You were born an original, don't die a copy

You laugh because I'm different. I laugh because you are all the same.

When you want to fool the world, tell the truth.

You are only what you are when no one is looking.

They say love hides behind every corner. I must be walking in circles!

The difference between fiction and reality? Fiction has to make sense.

Heaven kicked me out. Hell was afraid I'll take over.

It is better to keep your mouth shut and appear stupid than to open it and remove all doubt.

What is a gift? I want to die in my sleep like my great grandfather... Not screaming and yelling like the passengers in his car...

If you don't like my driving then stay off the sidewalk!

The brain is a wonderful organ; it starts working the moment you get up in the morning, and does not stop until you get into the office.

Chaos. Panic. Disorder. My work here is done.

Never take life seriously. No one gets out alive, anyway.   The job of the free is to free others, not enslave each other.