000000000000ehcy1

I feel stuck

000000000000ehcy1

i feel so stuck
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000000000000ehcy1

i spent 3 weeks with my boyfriend. we lived in the same house. 
          
          and now that he’s gone, i feel so lonely. 
          
          he bought me a piano as a gift. im gonna play it everytime i miss him. meaning ill be playing this piano 24/7. i love him so much. he is so kind and sweet and lovely. he got me a piano! 
          
          now im in my home leaning against the bed we slept in together. im looking at the table we used to eat lunch and dinner on. I was in the bathroom where we showered and brushed our teeth together. the chair that used to have all of his clothes on top of it is now empty. His big bag and little island of clothes is now gone. theres no wires coming from under my bed because he took his chargers. He didn’t take his heart candy. His half eaten sandwiches still there on the plate.
          
          I told him this as well, but I’m not sad that he left. I know that I’m going to see him again in a few days. What’s making me sad is the fact that our little journey of living together is over  now. we were at matkakeskus for a while. after he got on his bus i left to go in the center because it was cold and he wanted meto be warm. I stayed there for 20 minutes, just crying wiping my face when I came out his bus wasn’t there anymore. that kind of wrecked me I have a habit of not caring about crying when I’m out in public. 
          he held me really comfortably and gently before he left. he wiped away my tears gently. I really miss him. I keep crying. I love him so much. I want to get him some gifts too. I already ordered a very small gift and it will come soon enough, but he got me a piano. He knows how much it means for me. i want to come up with something that will be just as good.

000000000000ehcy1

asleep among endives
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000000000000ehcy1

He’s just so handsome, but I don’t think he believes it. I make him repeat it. He’s the most handsome man in the world and when I ask him who that man is I make him answer “me”. I want him to internally believe it at least from the repetitions that he is so good looking .it’s true. I saw his messages to his brother saying that the way he finds girlfriends is by healing and coming to terms with who you are and self reflection and a bit of handsomeness. But it’s not a bit of handsomeness. he is the most handsome man in the world. I don’t know what I need to do to make him believe that he is. I hold him so gently and dry his hair carefully and apply creams and serums on him face gently and brush his hair gently. I kiss him so gently. Make it understood that I really love how he looks and that I desire him all the time. I’m starting to see how it’s affecting him. His friends are telling him he looks good too. because of me he grew his hair and grew a bit of beard and mustache. Old people always talk to him, animals love him, whoever he talks to end up wanting to have conversations with him. It’s because his aura is so clean and positive and it reflects off his handsome face. I hope he finally accepta someday that he’s really good looking man and comes to terms with it and realizes it that it’s kind of pointless to be picking himself apart.
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