"You've been crying a lot lately"
Yeah, my birth didnt go how I wanted it to at all and was honestly probably the most traumatic thing ive ever been thru. I go to a prenatal appt at 34 wks pregnant to be told I need to go to triage for my BP caused by the preeclampsia I was diagnosed w 4 wks ago. I go and things are looking OK at first, then my bp spikes and my blood work comes back w a ton of high and low results that are showing that my kidneys and liver are failing. I'm suddenly told that I need to deliver my baby and they start the induction process. Now they're trying to force my body to do something its not ready to do while im on bare minimum pain management and at one point with none for the next 4 days. I consented to everything but it doesnt make it any less traumatic or take back the anxiety attacks I had. Then im being told that if I dont get the epidural within the next few hrs there's a high chance that I won't be able to get it at all due to my platelet being dangerously low (they were at 75, the cut off was 70). On top of that, im told that if I dont get it and I end up having to have an emergency C Section, that I'll have to be under anesthesia, which i didnt want at all. So I have to make the decision to get the epidural at 3am. 6 hrs later, the doctor comes in telling me that I have 2 options left: break my water and get pumped w more pitocin since I hadn't dilated more than 3cm and my cervix was still too thick, or go right to a C Section. I asked for my water to be broken. 2 hrs later, I'm still not dilated enough and im told that if I dont have a C section there's a chance I could die. So w/in thirty minutes im being rolled into the operating room and w/in an hour my son is cut out of me and being taken away to another room. i didnt get my golden hour. And after all of it, I can't even take my baby home. Instead, I have to leave him in a room with people I dont know, i feel like i failed him.
