@0xoUnknownox0
This is kinda random but I kinda want to start like a blog/ or a website of some kind where I rate and discuss Asian dramas that I’ve watched I feel like this would be a lot of fun. The only thing is I don’t know to start this tbh. But I feel like figuring it out could be kinda fun lol
Here I am again once again continuing to entertain people I don’t want because I hate to be alone. I don’t know which is worse that fact that I’m purposely hurting people or the fact the I’m doing it to not feel bad but it only makes me feel worse about myself. I just wish that I was normal like everybody else that I could let people in and make real connections.
At this point I don’t know if the reason I haven’t experienced love is because I’m genuinely the type of person who people don’t fall in love with or it’s because I’ve somehow convinced myself I’m unworthy of it so I’ve given up on trying. And I hate it. I hate everything about my life I wish I had a reason to keep on trying. And I know I shouldn’t place my whole reason to keep on living on another person or anything, it should be because of me but I don’t think I can keep going anymore. I really think I need something anything else because at this point everything is mundane to me. Everyday is the same. I need something to change. Even if it isn’t a positive thing. Please… that’s all I ask.
Sometimes I wish I didn’t care but then I wouldn’t be me…
Hate the way wattpad logs me out of my account constantly and I can never remember my password it’s actually so infuriating
I think it’s actually insane how for years now I’ve been stuck doing the same self destructing behavior and nobody in my family has noticed or maybe they have and they simply just don’t care. But I’m always the first one they go to when they need something. I think it’s time for me to just stop caring about them the same way that I had given up on myself years ago. Maybe if I do that they won’t take me for granted anymore. I can take all the energy that I’ve spent on them and maybe finally use it for myself.
I’m tired and this can be construed in a multitude of ways but I think the most significant way is that I’m tired of trying. Trying to be what they need me to be, tired of living for of everybody else, and tired of living. I’m just simply tired.
How often I think about my own death and the fact that stays the same each time is that only two people would actually care
It’s so hard having to continue to sacrifice myself and my mental health for others
Just wished someone would notice how tired I am
