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heyy

does anyone have any tips for when you have a mental breakdown?
          
          I haven’t had one in a while. I’m used to bottling up my emotions. I’m so sick and tired of my life. I can’t wait until I’m 18 and I can finally move out. I can’t be myself with anyone, friends or family. I honestly feel so alone right now. 
          
          You can stop reading here if you don’t want to read a rant. But right now I can’t cope with anything. I’m tired of telling myself itll be fine. And the homophobic parents and unsupportive sibling isn’t helping. I feel like my friends will make fun of me for being genderfluid. I can’t be open with my pronouns or appearance. My biological mother won’t even let me cut my hair short because I won’t look like a girl. I can’t dye my hair or express myself in any way. I have to be their “perfect picture.” I’m not allowed to be myself. I have to put up a front for my classmates and act like a good student for my teachers. I can’t join a supportive gsa club or my parents will find out. The only time I can be myself is when I sleep. There no one knows what I think of or what I do. So, mom, if I like sleeping so much, maybe you should consider why I do instead of calling me a lazy bitch. Maybe you should start accepting people for who they are instead of comparing them to your standards. And the worst part is that I want to run away so bad. I want to get away from this toxic family and hide. But I can’t. And they know that. They know I depend on them and that I can’t survive. And people will think that I’m at fault for being a disappointment.
          
          My life isn’t even mine right now. I can’t do anything. Nothing I do will matter. I wish that this time would all pass by.
          
          If you’ve read this far, thank you. I pray for anyone else facing something similar.

After 4 very long months, I have returned from the dead.
          
          
          
          But I have a lot of issues now, including questing my gender. So if I sound depressed, I’m depressed.
          
          
          Cheers.

hiatus. not feeling well. not sure when ill come back.

THERE WAS A F*CKIN MOSQUITO IN MY ROOM
          
          ITS F*CKIN 5 AM
          
          I HAVENT SLEPT
          
          BECAUSE I WAS CHASING THE D*MN MOSQUITO AROUND MY ROOM
          
          I HAVE 20+ BITES
          
          
          welp sorry for the rant + all caps. have a good day/afternoon/night

i have a cousin in virginia.
          
          she is 9 years old.
          
          she lost her brother two years ago.
          
          she fears making connections because she doesnt want to feel the pain again.
          
          she was forced to grow up after her brothers death.
          
          she doesnt try to make friends because she knows they will all pity her.
          
          she rarely talks to anyone anymore.
          
          she is bullied because she listens to kpop.
          
          her father drinks and her mother doesnt talk with anyone.
          
          her brother never told anyone he had cancer.
          
          he passed before she got to say goodbye.
          
          
          
          
          
          i want her to know that no matter what, im still here for her. i pray that no one else has to go through the same thing. thank you for helping me. i don’t know how I can help you…
          
          
          
          i don’t want replies. i just want you to help someone in need. be there when they need you.

///ayyy 10 more to 400
          
          never thought I’d get this far lmao. thanks y’all it means a lot
          
          also someone tell me that I’m not the only one that sleeps in till 2 pm every day-//
          

Aspen was fingering a small pen-like object. She grit her teeth in frustration and uncapped the pen, revealing a small needle. The contents in the pen were a blood-red color, and she held the needle to her wrist, on top of her veins.
          
          //longgg rp lmao. I doubt anyone will respond, but if you do, I’m in school, so it might take a while to respond//

I’m gonna go on a semi-small hiatus. Don’t worry, I’m not mentally ill or something. I bet you can guess why.
          
          School.
          
          Plus I need to sort my life out cause it is a MeSs. 
          
          Don’t die.
          
          - Ren :)

//i need advice ;-;
          
          
          sooo theres this dude whos been my friend for a while. id probably say he's my best friend. 2 years ago, I was friends with him, but I had a crush on him as well. I'm pretty sure he found out and that kind of ruined our friendship. we stopped talked last year and the year before, but this year we got in contact again. by then, I swore that I wouldn't like anyone again (lmao this sounds like a cringey movie). so for a few years I've considered myself an aro-ace. however, i always feel like m still attracted to him. and just a heads up: no way in the world am i going to confess. i like our friendship as it is, but i don't want our relationship to be awkward again. 
          
          also don't worry; this isn't anything inappropriate or bad. were literally just friends. 
          
          idk why im asking for advice. i think this is just a rant. 
          
          p.s. don't die :)
          
          - Ren