i found your story, "i'm his fake girlfriend interesting. you were able to depict your characters using appropriate words that made them seem as if they were really there, right in front of me. the conflict you created between jacob and cornelia could really have happened in actual life. you were also able to create the suspense when you described the kidnapping scene, where jacob really physically hurt lia, where he revealed to her how he felt when her mother chose his brother and married him. jacob, slapping, punching, kicking lia created a helpless scene. the question - when will colton appear? came to my mind. your having described colton as going back to his former ways of having sex with women - wherein he displayed such behavior as an excuse really made me feel like killing him. how could he say he loved her and have sex with other sluts?
i hope you continue writing. you have the God given talent for such. not everybody who writes can come up with ideas that are sort of original. not everybody can stir the reader's imagination through the descriptive words written by the writer. the way you described your scenes made the reader feel as if they were really there with the characters .... live, silently witnessing what was happening.
however, (and you may not like this) not having english as your first language is not an excuse for coming up with stories that showed plenty of grammatical errors, verb-subject agreement, misspelling words. it takes hard work to produce a flawless work. and if you really work hard and passion into it, you may yet come up with best sellers. good luck!
