123456bvb

I love your stories!!!!!!! I have read 5 times right now. You are the best writer on Wattpad. ❤

I wish I was dead rn.

It sucks; anxiety. It really does. If you haven't experienced it, then it is difficult to give you a guide to what does, because, yes, you can interpret it how you do, but it's not first hand experience. You know that feeling, when you're walking down a set of stairs, and you trip. The mere seconds you spend falling; the fear. That, is anxiety. Now imagine that, on a bigger scale. Imagine having that feeling, for a long period. Imagine it. Do you think you'd cope? 

I'm just sick of everyone right now.
          And yes, 
          Including myself.

I have a policy.
          If you mess with me, you're out of the picture.
          I'm done, you're gone, and life is back on track.
          I won't hold anymore grudges on those who lied to me, accused me of things, or assumes things about me.
          I'm letting it go because of the fact that enough is enough and my weary head can't hold it in for any longer.
          As you may tell this account is inactive, and has been, for a very long time, but it's not completely inactive because there are people who I talk to, who actually give a shit about me.

I give up on those who gave up on me.

I'm blamed for everything these days.
          Everything.
          Even for things I didn't start or cause.
          Even for the things I didn't follow.
          Even for the things I didn't know about.
          I'm blamed for everything.
          Because no one cares anymore.

Please don't leave me hanging on to figure myself out.
          I need you even if you're beyond my reach.
          I need you, and I'm hanging on to the rope.
          Thread by thread, I'm coming undone, falling apart.
          Hanging on to one.
          Until you reached out your arm, and pulled me up.
          You saved me
          Even though I wanted to die.
          For that I am grateful.

I've come to realise that I'm no one's "best friend" or close friend.
          I guess the differences made the distance.
          I guess I'm the barrier.
          I guess now I'm numb.
          I guess now I have no purpose.
          I guess now I'm just mentally dead
          But physically alive.
          I guess, but I don't know.
          It's like an assumption.
          People assume things, but they don't know.
          Things have been assumed about me, and I have been accused of things.
          But maybe I am the assumption.
          Which is why I feel this way.
          Or maybe I wasn't even meant to be here in the first place.
          Either way
          No one cares.
          They can't anymore.
          I'm their hurdle and they need to jump over me, or else they'll get caught, and they won't win, nor finish the race.
          I get it
          I do.
          But it's hard to sink in
          When what separated us was the things I never did or said.

It's funny how people believe lies. 
          It's funny how people believe rumours.
          It's funny how people hate someone, and then they don't.
          It's funny how people say things are fine, but they aren't.
          It's funny how people think I'm blind, but I'm not.
          It's funny how people throw everything we once had away.
          It's funny, but then again, it really isn't.