@123_dontfollowmeeee
No one:
Me (and Android user making a joke in a group chat of iphones): what if I just...
Loved “Is it weird that I immediately thought of bacon”
[yes I did send them that whole thing]
Holiday break makes me feel bad about myself.
It makes me realize that most of my time is spent in bed doing nothing.
I was awake since 7am but I didn't get out of bed for another 6 hours!
I just laid there.
And I had nothing to do...
When I open Wattpad in front of my family and the feature paid story has a cover of a naked man in only his boxers:
my brain: SHIT SHIT SHIT SHIT SHIT
that one part of my brain: he's kinda hot tho...
Real talk time:
I've been listening to "Forbidden Fruit" way to much.
It's kind of a problem.
How we know I will be a horrible but awesome father:
When I'm like 25 and my mom is like "when are you gonna have a kid, I want a grandchild!" I'm gonna adopt an adorable little girl. And what will I name her?
Lizard.
Why? So she can go by Liz.
And when people ask "hey is Liz short for Elizabeth?"
My daughter (as the super cool kid they're gonna be) has to say "nah bro, my name's Lizard"
And they're middle name would be Charles so she can go by Charlie.
That's also why I shouldn't be allowed to touch a birth certificate.
I just a nice but also awful interaction.
Leaving school.
me (a peaceful trans boy who is not wearing their ID because they are adjusting it): this ID...
8th grader 1 (8.1.) *comes up to me dragging a boy with them*: this boy wants to suck your peen
Me *pleased j pass so well but upset that they would say this but trying to play it cool while being very annoyed*: whatever. *keeps walking*
(I see 8.1. wall away so I so down so the second kid can catch up.)
8.2.: look I'm sorry.
*I hold up my lanyard with my dead name*
Me: I figured you were a complete idiot or your friend was. You seem chill so I hoped it was the later.
8.2.: I knew you were a girl
Me *not about to come out to this kid*: yeeeeaaah...
8.2.: bye.
(I just nodded and went to my bus.)
Hey so...I'm curious.
Does anyone else just have something ridiculous happen to them and then make a joke out of it and send it to their friends and say a friend sent it too them?
Cuz' I do that a lot.
Who else got really excited about Disney+?
Cuz' me and Ember are currently binge watching a ton of our favorite movies and watching DuckTales.
@TheTheSquashman 1. It's Ember and I. 2. Focus on the movie. We are in the same room. (Just so everyone else knows, we're having a glaring contest right now.)
A legit conversation I just had with my grandmother
Me: Where's my toothbrush?
[I have a toothbrush that stays there]
Grandma *gives me toothbrush*: here.
My grandmother proceeds to brush her teeth in the kitchen sink.
Me: Did you just...not wet your toothbrush before you put the toothpaste one?
Grandma: I always do that. I wash it after I put on the toothpaste.
[The horror am I right?]
Me: So are you one of the lunatics that puts the milk in before the cereal too?!
Grandma *confused*: I don't use milk at all...
Me: But if you did! WOULD YOU?!
Grandma: Probably not.
Me: Oh.
Dramatic pause while I brush my teeth.
Me: I guess you're half lunatic then.
