First and foremost, I just want to say that I hope everything in your life will start getting better. I can't imagine the pain you must be feeling losing a family member like that. From the work I have read from you, in a strange way I feel like I know you. (Hopefully, that doesn't come off as creepy.) With time it gets better, the pain will end up fading away. Until that day comes, just do your best. (: