Hello to the seven followers that I have. It's not much for a person who's had a Wattpadd for some time now, and I understand that my works aren't all that great. But I appreciate the seven of you. I hope to be well-known one day for my writing, but I don't think I will ever be successful, if I'm being honest. I have so many fears and insecurities about myself and my future. Whenever I check social media, craving to see that maybe at least one more person followed me or liked a post, I see that I really am just one little fourteen year old girl in a world populated by people far more talented and important than I could ever be. Let me tell the seven of you a little secret. I have brain disorders. My mind is wired in a way that makes my thinking so contorted and different than others. I have attempted suicide three times. The third, I almost succeeded. But I got help. From my second mental health hospital. I worked the system and here I am, back in the very world I hate and fear. It has gotten better. By a very small amount, my emotions are mostly positive ones. But at times, I will beat myself up about something from the distant past. My thoughts are plagued by darkness; homicidal and suicidal thoughts that I cannot contain. I wish the world was perfect. But it is far from that. So, I am confiding in the seven of you, whom I doubt will even notice this. I am still considering killing myself. But I don't want to go to another hospital. I don't care anymore. I've stopped feeling. I am numb to any sympathy for others, and the sad truth is that I wallow in self pity and regret. I want to die. But part of me clings to hope. You, my seven followers, keep me going. Every day, I hope that someone will notice what I have done, and that I may get some positive attention. So thank you. I know seven is not a big number, and I hope to increase that number, but for now, at least, it is enough. Hell, this could be my last post and I don't even know it. But I wanted to say that. <3
