I'm back only to face the worst reality. I can't even look at myself at the mirror right now.
I disappointed a host by giving up on my role. The very thing I shone onis what I did. But I honestly feel it was for the best interest of the participants. They deserve a better Judge. But why am I only realiving that now? Because I never got to see it until now.
I was assigned two genre. Believe when I said I could handle it and never thought once on bailing. I was through with judging Romance and saved it in my files and decided to forward it to the host only when I was through with the second genre ( Mystery) but then I delayed for more than a month. The host took action and replaced me on e of the genre. I only found out today that not only was my account replaced as the Judge but that the results were already out. It was a big shock and every will in my vein was drained. I was disapointed and mad at myself.
After comparing my rating and review to that of the current judge's own, I felt incompetent and inferior in a whole other level and I knew why. It was because we judged the same books yet a better job was done. It was so much better than mine that I my logical brain forced me to accept defeat and give up the rest of the books from the Mystery genre, totally convinced that another person could do a better job than me. You can call me a jerk, but I know it's only fair for the participants in that award.
Will I give up on the rest of 10 Awards I'm in? Hell No! I will try my best in the nearest future starting from now.