This message has always been a nightmare that brought me depression, one that haunted me as I grew into a lazy dump of unrecyclable trash that spent most of its time rotting in its room. A simple message, one merely about disconnecting my internet connection, was enough for me to commit sins of greed and selfishness, to follow my urge to steal out of people's pockets just to afford Wi-Fi. This unhealthy obsession with internet is driving me mentally insane. 
I listen to bible studies every Saturdays, attend church every Sundays, talk to a therapist, and yet, nothing changed within myself. I still don't know my goals, my reason in life, my motivation, my hobbies, my likes (expect for the color blue, mystery, thriller, and action genre, and sweets) and dislikes, strengths and weaknesses, and much, much more. They say to explore yourself and take opportunities, but I have nothing to explore. Opportunities, no matter how hard I try, will always slip away from my effortless grasp and back-fire, returning to the continuous routine of this empty life-style which repeats with no escape. 
The thought of not being able to scroll through the media in order to distract myself from this bland, boring life that always nags me like an Asian parent, will keep me in bed for weeks, a numbness from boredom. I spend my days, crying, sleeping, using my phone, getting scolded, and skipping meals out of pure listlessness. I find no reason to do all trivialities like chewing, it's too bothersome.
There's nothing that excites me, there's nothing that sparks hope, there's nothing that motivates me to become a better person, there's nothing to look forward to, there's nothing in my life. I'll go through this bland, boring life of mines, too cowardly to kill myself off, while knowing I will never change. Nothing's new. There's no opportunities, I can't make opportunities because of my limited capabilities, and I know no matter what I do, I'll never escape this continous routine.