@voidpottah I really enjoy your book so far!
The only advice I could give is to describe things more. I've found when you don't actually say actually the object/scene immediately, the readers try to figure it out which makes them more engaged in your writing. You could also structure your book in a way that makes it more engaging (Flashbacks or cliff-hangers). You can throw in some hints regarding the future plot, which also engages the reader. A key thing I've learned as a writer is to not use the same adjective or word repeatedly (said, amazing, etc.). You shouldn't repeat the person's name in a non-speech paragraph. If you're making the subject about one person in a paragraph, it's better to use their pronouns (only mention their name once or twice). If you want to make the subject about another person, then start a new paragraph.
I hope that was helpful!
Please come and talk to me again if you want more advice, I haven't finished your books SERENDIPITY ⋆ H. Potter Twin [1] & Everything has changed, so I would probably give you more if you want in future chapters.
I love how you're going so far, please continue writing!
Have a good morning/afternoon or night
@27TheEnd