so I never thought I would ever be this sad in my life I've have so much going on in my life in the past 3 weeks that's crazy and hard to deal with and I may never see someone who I love with my whole heart ever again and I've just lost motivation to do anything, I'm sorry that I haven't updated like I promised and I'm going to continue like that for a while now I need to get out of this mental state I'm in first.