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Heyyy:) I was thinking about creating a nct chatroom kinda of story but I don’t think I should because 1.I’m not funny 2.it might take me awhile to upload it seeing as I already have two unfinished books. But if y’all think I should tell me.
          
          Btw how are you guys?? I’m currently doing fine, kind shave a lot of stuff on my mind but I’ll just write to get it away

Guess who’s back and currently wanting to cry:) yup. ME. Bruh honestly I need to vent so here goes (it’s not gonna be that long I promise. lol)
          
          Ok sooooo this is about my sexuality, I currently don’t know what my sexuality is so I’m questioning myself right now but I feel so fucking alone and pressured because my whole family is literally straight nobody is gay or bisexual or anything they are all STRAIGHT. And today when my mom and I were walking out of Walmart a lesbian or idk two girls were holding hands and I assumed they were dating and in my head I was like ‘aww look at the cute couple’ but my mom she had said ‘I can’t stand gay people, they get on my nerves. Back in the day gay people would stay in the closet so they would hide their relationships but people now and days don’t care and just show it publicly, they get on my nerves with that, they force it on people’ and I was just over here walking now saying anything and then I texted my cousin and told her about it and she had sent me a text saying she didn’t care what my sexuality is bc I’m still the same person to her and she’ll love me no matter what and I almost cried but I didn’t bc I was in the care with my mom and I just don’t know anymore. Even if I find out my sexuality I can’t come out people my family is like homophobic not all of my family but like my mom is and I can’t come out to her:(
          
          Sorry this is kinda of long, I kinda of lied:D.
          
          But anyways how are y’all doing??

Ok I actually feel fxcking numb atp:/. Like if you don’t want to be my friend just say that,
          
          I’m tired of everything and everyone, I’m going unactive for awhile I need time to myself I feel like I’m getting stressed. Won’t be updating any of my books neither.
          
          I hate like and feel like dying . But y’all stay safe tho:p

Idky I’m just now finding out abt Wayv’s song Midnight but that shiiz hit different especially after midnight ;D

I swear my only happy places are Kpop and Wattpad because I can be myself and not have to do anything to try and fit in and plus people are so nice.
          
          Kinda had a shitty day and now I feel dead.

Had like 5 cups of coffee today, been trying to update Freaks and I got some type of motivation? I also got my nails done and I feel completely out of place in this discord gc bc everyone knows someone and I just feel like some type of outside(which I am) but yea-
          
          ANYWAYS-
          
          How have y’all been holding up??:)

Sorry I need to vent.
          
          But wtf I actually officially hate my fxcking life like, I’m in school and my stomach starts hurting like there’s a sharp pain and it goes from my stomach to my chest and that sh!t would hurt when I walk or even sit down and I went to the nurses office to call my mom and she said
          
          “You only got two and a half hours left” and I was just like wtf bc I literally felt like I’m dying and she wasn’t even gonna pick me up to even check on me.
          
          She says me and my sister call to Michael SJ there’s always something wrong with us every time we go to school, this time THERE WAS SOMETHING WRONG WITH ME AND SHE DOESN’T GAF.
          
          Now I wish I would’ve died or like passed out bc I don’t fxcking care anymore, I should’ve just stopped breathing and died. deadass

Sometimes I have motivation to update on my stories but then I start reading other people’s stories and I get insecure about mine and I lose motivation bc I know mine won’t be as good as theirs 

freaks is a masterpiece.

OMG I HATE THISSS.
          
          I honestly think I’m cursed bc I can’t have friendship with boys without them liking me, like is a friendship without romantic feelings to much to ask for?? *slowly dies on the inside* (v╯︿╰)v