The Gay Cupcake

so I was reading a story and listening to music literally two seconds ago. the song said something said something about dancing in the rain and how they felt truly alive when they were dancing in the rain. it hit me like a shit ton of bricks. the book was the kids mom being all homophobic and I'm sorta in that situation with my dad. I haven't came out but I can't because of his homophobia. I just literally had a song touch me in a way that felt amazing for the first time in forever. just thought I would share that with yall. 

can yall help me please? I just realized that I'm in love with my guy best friend. and I'm regretting turning him down when he liked me. I'm too late. I had a dream last night that made me realize my feelings. I've been denying it for so long. in the dream, we hugged each other. and you know when the other person loosens their end of the hug and it means they don't want to hug anymore? well I held on to him longer and he smiled and held me tighter. and once we separated our hug, I kissed him on the cheek. he blushed the darkest shade of red and kissed me on the cheek too. it was so cute and that's the type of cute I want in a relationship. I'm so confused. Oh and, he has a very toxic girlfriend. what should I do?

I have decided to postpone THE BOY WHO WAS TOLD WRONG. Instead, I will give you short stories that will be super fun for me to write.

I unpublished chapter one of THE BOY WHO WAS TOLD WRONG. I feel it didn't belong to where I wanted the story to go. So a new one will be here asap. Love y'all.

im listening to the Harry Potter audio books right now and I'm on chapter 5 of the first one. this guy, when he imitates Hagrid, sounds almost exactly like he does in the movies. if you'd like to listen along, find Harry Potter Audio books on Spotify. have a great day!

i love rainy days. it rained today. i danced and sat and laid down in it. it's the first time in so long that I have truly smiled like that when I'm alone. I'm proud to say that I have come a long way. 2020 may seem like a shitty year but I will forever remember it as the year that I learned to love myself. because for the first time in forever, I can finally say that I love ME. and I'm pretty sure that this month is three months clean for me. there are times that I have thought about it but I never did it. actually, there was a time a few weeks ago that I tried but my knife was too dull. my friend doesn't know what i used it for. I told her to keep it safe. i love myself. the rain, the beautiful rain made me realize that.

Lol I forgot to put the title of the book. "the boy who was told wrong" is what it's called. Excuse my dumb hoe moment.

I started writing a book that I really love. I would love to continue writing it but I always find myself having trouble getting to how I want it to end. If you guys could help motivate me, I would be so happy. ❤❤Have a gay day!
          
          Here's the description:
          
          To my family, I'm a disgrace. To myself, I'm disgusting. I should have never said the words I did all those years ago. No one at school knows, my parents didn't want to disgrace the family name.
          
          I would love to say that I'm a beautiful creature, but I hardly believe that myself. It took me years to say the words that I said. I'm surprised my parents didn't kick me out.
          
          If I take all my pills, one day, I'll be cured of the illness inside of me. At school, girls fall all over me. My parents force me to take them on dates, to prove that I'm still their perfect son. Even though they know and I know, I'm just a diseased person who will never be perfect.
          
          Each night, we pray that the Lord will fix me. We pray that he will heal me. We pray that a cure will find its way to me. We pray that the disease will become eradicated. Each day that a remedy hasn't discovered me, my parents say that he's fixing other people who are just like me.
          
          I hate living this way. Sometimes I wish that I would have been different, that I would have been an average teenager. My parents said that it was probably just a phase. When they found out it wasn't, they sent me away.
          
          At first, I was confused. I thought it was just a camp for teenagers. Until a bunch of us boys were tied down in a dark room, forced to watch that porn. The images are stuck inside my brain. It's disgusting.
          
          And when we would watch the stuff that appealed to me was when I sustained the most injuries. All because of a little preference. I couldn't help that I'm attracted to boys. I couldn't help that every time I saw the boy of my dreams, I couldn't look away. I couldn't help it.
          
          But maybe, in the end, I might find my place in this world. I doubt it.