4j_4r1ch1

this message may be offensive 
          	⚠️Rant⚠️
          	
          	I hate it so much. It's literally horrible. Colourgaurd is amazing and all. I love doing flag work. But I just don't think I can handle it with all the toxic af behavior and time that goes into it with how busy my life already is.
          	I'm just upset with myself.
          	Plus
          	It's not like I like anyone in the fucken group so it wouldn't be to big of a loss. 
          	I wish I was able to be better at this cause then at least I'd be somewhat proud of myself but I'm having a fucken breakdown once a week at least cause of it and it's not fucken healthy. I really want to ask my coach to cut me. I've forgotten all my song 1 dots anyways and if I don't relearn them by Friday I'm cut anyways.
          	But idk if I'm able to. 
          	Idk I've just been feeling like absolute shit recently about it.
          	I'm just scared I'm disappointing everyone.
          	My coach, the team, my friends, my director. It's all just so much. Why is everything so much recently?
          	I hate so much. I'm stressed over the smallest things. I think I'm going into another fucken manic episode. I don't want to. I want to just be happy with myself and not be pushing myself so hard all the damn time but I can't stop. If I don't push I'm not good enough and if I'm not good enough people get dissatisfied and if that happens they leave then I'm alone again. God I'm such a mess.

4j_4r1ch1

this message may be offensive 
          ⚠️Rant⚠️
          
          I hate it so much. It's literally horrible. Colourgaurd is amazing and all. I love doing flag work. But I just don't think I can handle it with all the toxic af behavior and time that goes into it with how busy my life already is.
          I'm just upset with myself.
          Plus
          It's not like I like anyone in the fucken group so it wouldn't be to big of a loss. 
          I wish I was able to be better at this cause then at least I'd be somewhat proud of myself but I'm having a fucken breakdown once a week at least cause of it and it's not fucken healthy. I really want to ask my coach to cut me. I've forgotten all my song 1 dots anyways and if I don't relearn them by Friday I'm cut anyways.
          But idk if I'm able to. 
          Idk I've just been feeling like absolute shit recently about it.
          I'm just scared I'm disappointing everyone.
          My coach, the team, my friends, my director. It's all just so much. Why is everything so much recently?
          I hate so much. I'm stressed over the smallest things. I think I'm going into another fucken manic episode. I don't want to. I want to just be happy with myself and not be pushing myself so hard all the damn time but I can't stop. If I don't push I'm not good enough and if I'm not good enough people get dissatisfied and if that happens they leave then I'm alone again. God I'm such a mess.

4j_4r1ch1

this message may be offensive 
Y'all, okay ik I haven't been updating my story. I have no motivation atm but when I do I will start updating again I swear but I am going through shit rn. Okay so I just found out that my fucken brother is a pedo. He is dating one of my old online friends who's fucken 14, he's 18 gonna be 19, so the Romeo and Juliette laws wouldn't even apply if they'd been dating before hand as they are not the age of consent. God I fucken hate himmmm. And I go to message my friend to talk some sense into them but what is this? Ohhhh they fucken blocked me after stating they don't want to listen to me try and "trash talk" my brother. Wtf. Why? Why are they like this Istfg

4j_4r1ch1

@AddSomeEdge absolutely no offense taken lmao. And valid honestly
• Reply

AddSomeEdge

@4j_4r1ch1 That's not right...
            As a victim of that sort of thing, I would like to punch your brother in the throat. No offense, although I doubt you'd take offense towards it.
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