@-NikaRave- It's hard to say for me. I don't read many short stories so my experience is limited.
I enjoyed the idea and the ending. (Basically the whole story or it wouldn't land in my favourites but another category.)
You made it clear how his analytical side is in charge once he "connects", I quite liked how you did that and the whole idea behind it.
What I didn't like/found missing whatever (with no idea if it's really possible in the format of a short story) is:
- What other people did he save and why, even if it's just a short paragraph in his vid log or him looking at his other parts(?) how they are holding up (Probe 2 landed in Africa to pick up xxx). I'm not sure what you want in those people, but anything from friends he knows, people with especially good reputation/have needed skills ...
- I found it hard to immerse myself into the world as not much is explained, especially the fights. I mean earth founded remote colonies and it must have happened quite some time ago for them to have the foundation to declare independance. All that indicates highly advanced technology. The question I asked myself was: Why does he win so easily, is it because it's a suprise attack? The military only has some machine guns and no "energy weapons" like you see in many Sci-Fi stories. He was away for some time, but how is his equipment so much stronger? A factory from the colonies? Special equipment given to him by whatever military unit he belonged to?
- The love part comes a bit short, maybe a short memory of him saying goodbye when he leaves for the colonies? (Not spoiling her profession, just saying goodbye to his beloved.) Or any other "short" memory piece that might help.
Yes, I'm only talking about adding stuff, which is a bit against the spirit of a short story *adds 500 pages*. I tried to keep what I'd want to add short, but honestly I don't think much is needed anyway.
I hope this is helpful for you.
Eagerly waiting for what comes next,
A8nton
