AELane

hey, dude. alam mo na...

@AELane - no worries =] 

@TheOrangutan I joined the club and I already made friends with some! Thank you for the suggestion.

@AELane - which is where i started. The more you write, the better you'll get...

@TheOrangutan Thank you sir, I really have some grammar issues. Okay, suggestion accepted. I'm not really that good of a writer, just trying out. 

@AELane - I'm afraid I'm not sure I qualify on either of those, sorry. I'm certainly no expert and reliable is not something I usually get accused of. The best place to find reliable critique is via the Improve Your Writing club I'd suggest. 
          
          Having had a very quick peek, the main thing I'd suggest is to watch your tenses. In the opening line there's a 'had' that should be a 'have'... go from there.

@TheOrangutan Mr. Wilson, sir, if you don't mind; would you take a look at my story if it's okay since you're an expert writer and a reliable adult? You can criticize it as long as you want. My story is not yet halfway finished because of time, is it alright with you, sir?

@TheOrangutan Thank you sir. 

@AELane - no worries, call me whatever is culturally correct, I respect tradition hugely and certainly wouldn't want to offend either. 

@TheOrangutan Sorry sir, i'm really not used to calling adults by just their names. It's a disrespectful manner for us. Anyways, thank you for your your consideration.