loki, ever the performer, waited patiently for his latest role. He had been the neglected son, the vengeful prince, and even the dutiful king. suffice to say, they'd gone completely off script—so far off that, despite all his creativity, loki couldn’t imagine how this scene would end. Initially, loki didn't partake; instead, he allowed the force of the thunderer to act upon him. silent permission traveled on an icy breath, and what he lacked in enthusiasm, he made up for it with the reverence he poured into every unspoken thought.
loki had cycled through many philosophies over the centuries he’d been alive—existentialism, pessimism, nihilism, and naturally, absurdism. admitting that Thor’s presence might have altered the outcome would mean acknowledging that a different path even existed. where did that fit with loki’s ever-shifting worldview? he hadn't decided—perhaps he never would. maybe that indecision was his humanity—if there had ever been any. / If there was any left. / even the briefest reflection of his life left an ominous weight on his mind, particularly when there was no audience and seemingly no reason to persevere.
would thor have persevered ? could he have survived without a savior , without the hope that kept most people alive ? loki had never mourned the loss of hope. how do you grieve for something you never had? he could mourn the idea of it—and , in a way , he had.
he would mourn this .
" one of us had to be the villain , thor. I'm glad it was me ," his voice steady but distant , “ it wouldn't have suited you ."
loki had survived for so long, the idea of survival had become commodified, just another part he played from a script often forced upon him. there were a lot of things loki wanted to say. maybe , had they been raised differently he would have told thor that in every other universe loki would have chosen for it to be him. he’d have told thor he knew still knew what fondness was because he felt it for him. ++