✦✧ sᴀᴍᴀᴇʟ ✧★

how would you guys feel about me uploading an art book? 
          
          —Ego

okay–
          so I originally planned to have like three books out by now, but that shit didn't work out–
          so instead, I'll do this. 
          im waiting on my laptop to come, which I have no clue when it'll be coming.
          I might just post a book I already had, and just add on to that in the meantime. 
          
          I really don't have to motivation to make a new book at the moment, so I'll try again soon
          and I'll be busy preparing for my dance. 
          so whenever I get the chance, I'll find out something to do. 
          
          –Samael

I hate changes in my routine–
          especially on school days. 
          I have a very strict schedule that I follow every morning. (minus the weekends.) 
          and I hate when others interfere with it-
          even on accident. 
          I did a post about this awhile ago—and well, deleted it, because I didn't put context to it, and didn't wanna seem like a brat who was just hating something for the fun of it–
          im going to be honest—I don't know where my suddenly hate / discomfort of having to change routines or schedules came from-
          
          –Samael

im crying–
           ||tw : mentions of scabs, scars, and blood!||
          
          
          
          I actually had to put a band aid on my forehead so I stop picking at my scab. 
          like literally, I picked it so much it had darkened and became a scar–
          I literally have so sense of when to stop doing shit like this- and I think it's getting worse at this point?? 
          I don't know have to stop- 
          like actually, I don't stop until the scab is bleeding.
          but that's what I pretty much do to any scar I have?
          and im not sure who else does that-
          but, uhm, idk, guess I wanted to just share this as a silly haha moment?? 
          I wouldn't think it's that severe of a problem–
          is it? 
          idk- 
          anyways, uhm, later chat! 
          I'll probably upload a book tomorrow, if I have time after school. [or if I remember]
          
          
          –Samael

small follow up from the last post! 
          
          I will be uploading a book, it's just a small one. 
          it's more of a get to know me type of book.
          I've had one up in the past– but took it down, due to me not wanting to write books for awhile, (but also because I dropped out of a the fandom that I usually wrote books around!) 
          but hey, I'll get back to writing soon. 
          just wanted to announce that I'll be uploading a bit all about me!
          goodnight silly goobers, 
          be safe! 
          
          —Samael

uh– so I was in the hospital on monday for like 5 hours? maybe longer. 
          
          uhm, my books should be coming out soon? 
          I have like two books on hold because I've been procrastinating for literally months on end. 
          also because my phone isn't the best thing to write on- 
          and im waiting for my laptop to come in, (im supposed to be getting it on the 6th, aka my second christmas ig. 
          happy new years bitches
          stay safe ig, don't end up like me- 
          :) 
          
          
          –Samael

||rant.
          ||tw—pills, sharp objects (glass / razor blade), slight mentions of unwanted sexual desires? (idk bro.) just beware. read or ignore, I don't really care what you do. 
          
          
          
          
          
          
          
          
          
          
          
          
          
          
          I need to stop. 
          no. no I don't wish for that to happen. 
          I don't want anybody to put their hands on me.
          keep them off. keep your hands to yourself. 
          I wanted to take a pill.
          maybe two, maybe three more than the usual dosage.
          the thoughts keep sprouting. 
          I don't want it. I don't care what my mind says, or how my body reacts, I don't want it. 
          it aches. almost as if im craving for it, im scared, but I do it anyways. 
          I bled once. do I need to bleed again? 
          and now im conflicted.
          can I even say im a victim? 
          maybe I was being dramatic.
          but I know what they did.
          I miss the feeling of my blade.
          but I had to move onto glass instead.
          they took my fucking blade. 
          and now I feel tired.
          
          I'll probably delete this whenever I wake up. 
          or not. 
          I don't know at this point.
          
          
          –Samael

gonna keep switching between Ike and Eki sama because it's silly<3
          
          –Samael!
          
          

[ooc post + question of the day! and a bit of information!<3]
          
          sillies–
          how many of you silly people know/watch any vtubers? 
          and if you do, who's your most watched vtuber? if there's more than one, feel free to listen em! 
          and if you don't watch any, just list your most watched streamer and/or content creator! 
          
          
          also, just know, im open to rp at any time! just lmk what you wanna rp, and i'll be open to do it! just beware, im not in many fandons, lol- so i may or may not know what you're talking about. 
          
          have a great day, sillies! 
          
          
          
          –Samael

sometimes, i'll post in character stuff, 
          
          and other times, i'll just post normal silly announcements :3
          
          
          –Samael