WELCOME EARTHLINGS

This is planet Nosidam. You are somewhere in the vicinity of Betelgeuse.

I'm Madi. This is my towel.

And the sponge-like, hairdryer-shaped horde behind me (the ones armed with bananas) are my Irrelevancies, the natives of this world. No, there is no specific reason that their banners read 'go stick your head in a pig'. They were being ruled by the Sirius Cybernetic Corporation before I took over and it hasn't quite worn off yet.

Yes! you are in my world now!

Please take a moment to let this sink in. Chaos will commence immediately upon your realisation of this fact.

I understand that the transition from normality to Madi-State is sometimes quite disorientating. I have never undergone it myself - I was born naturally into the Madi-State - but if you wish to take a moment after Realisation, I completely understand. Unfortunately, the Chaos does not.

I would like to show you the principal landmarks of my Kingdom. There is the Pollylop, a statue erected by the Hordes to honour nothing in particular. The strange thing on that side - yes, that one that looks like five people in a line, hugging each others' heads - is the Capetillar. It serves the exact same purpose as the Pollylop. If I ask them why they build these things, they just shrug. That might be because they don't speak our language; it might not.

I would like to congratulate you on getting this far. These are PlayingtheCards, Ros LunarBite (ruler of our moon, Rosiland), ScarletWordsmith and MythSolarVenom, my friends, at least, I hope so, and Dalamanza, my co-ruler and owner of our sister planet, Tierrah. You probably got here via one of them. Please wave.

You have reached the end of your journey (translation: no space). I hope you enjoy your stay here on Nosidam. Please avoid the Zoo, as the Ravenous Bugblatter Beast of Traal is having an identity crisis and is currently dressed up as a spoon.

Thank you.

PS if  this doesn't tell you that I'm completely and utterly mad, nothing will