I doubt anyone ever reads these, but here it goes.
It's getting closer to the time that my brother and best friend, Max, passed away. Actually, his four year anniversary is tomorrow. I can hardly believe four years have already passed. He would've been 16 not long ago. We would've been celebrating his sixteenth birthday with a nice dinner of homemade meatloaf and mashed potatoes with his mom and dad, and for dessert, we would've had an ice cream cake. For old time's sake, we would've watched the Disney movies we spent nights watching when we were younger; his favorite being a tie between The Little Mermaid and Aladdin, while mine was Peter Pan hands down. He would've been helping me prepare for going into Sophomore year in 18 days. He would've told me to watch out for kids because they got worse, ruder, meaner once they became Sophomores.
I didn't think it would've affected me this badly. I mean, it's been hard living without him. He was the person I turned to when I couldn't turn to anyone else. Now, I just hold it in. In the past few years, it didn't feel real. I think it's starting to hit me more now. My stomach hurts and I don't know if I'm even breathing. I just feel empty. Maybe the thing that changed this year is that I feel all alone. I felt alone before, but this feeling isn't something that came and went. This year, it was constant. Every day I felt alone. Maybe it was because I watched this show/anime called "Free!" and it got me thinking about everything. The show ended without any closure, something I experienced. And still do. Max and I had all these plans for the future, but since he left, I haven't much thought about the future. Until now.
He was supposed to live next door to me, our kids becoming best friends like we did. He was supposed to support me with my writing career. I don't know. As a contribution to him and the show, I'm writing a book with an ending, something we should've had the chance to have, something everyone should have.
