Amethyst

PART II
          
          It's a curse to be chosen. I don't even want the position. Would I get my freedom and safety if I refused to accept it? They made me into who I am. I turned into a monster, just like how they treated me. I can't stop the words from playing inside my head, planning murder. I guess we are really a family. I'm no different to them; I'm as bad as they are. It runs in the blood. How pathetic! 
          
          A sudden attack on our house created an opportunity for me, and I didn't waste my chance to escape. Everyone's running from bullets, and here I am running for my freedom. I don't care if they get killed. The enemy is making it easy for me. I looked behind me and saw our house burning. It was me who did it. I want no person inside this house to remain alive. I guess I am the real murderer. 
          
          I ran away and contacted my grandfather's lawyer. I had no place to go, and he was the only one I could trust. But I wish I hadn't because I just met the person who made me feel different kinds of emotions, his son. I realized that there are more feelings than anger.

PART I
          
          If not angry, I feel numb. Those are the two emotions I thought I could only feel. I don't know if the people around me are just annoying or if it's just me who's developing serious anger issues. I guess the latter? 
          
          My heart always feels heavy and I thought I would develop a heart disease. I hate everything; the people, the surroundings, the kind of family I am in. They could've just aborted me if they'd just blamed me. I didn't ask to be born just to be treated like this. I was abused by my own family but couldn't do anything about it. 
          
          My anger towards them just grows every second. It's funny how I could live with it just fine. Would I have died of too much anger already? They're trying to kill me, but they just can't. I'm avoiding my death at the hands of my very own family, inside our home. It's not even a home, but a prison for me. I can't go beyond the tall gates. 
          
          How is the outside world? I forgot what it looked like. Sure, our place is a paradise, but you won't choose to be here just because of the ethereal sight. It's torture to be here. It's torture to be born into a sick family. 
          
          There is never a time when I would not check my food to see if it contained poison. They really want to get rid of me, because I am the successor of our business, not my father, not my siblings but me. 

I was not feeling it, but it shows. Everyone saw it but didn't know if it was real or not. My personality was only a facade. 
          
          I have been asking this for a long time. "When will I be happy?" This question started when my father left us for a new family. It hurts, but I didn't realize it as a kid. I was unknowingly destroying myself, and I regretted it as I regained my consciousness. Why would I even cry over an asshole? I don't care now, but this hollow feeling inside me will never be completed. I'm broken by the first man in my life. The man who left his responsibility to me as the firstborn in the family. 
          
          How does being happy feel? It seems like I forgot about that feeling after what happened. How do I feel it again? They say happiness is a choice. But if you choose to be happy when you're really not, isn't that a force? I smiled at everybody, not knowing the loneliness I kept within me. Nobody has ever suspected me of my actions, except for that one person, who can read me through my eyes.
          
           "Your eyes speak a thousand words, and they cannot hide what you're feeling." 
          
          When the happiness I'd been looking for came right before my eyes, it only felt strange that I didn't want to feel it. I'm afraid of what could be the consequences of too much happiness I felt with him.

Once started, it can never be stopped. It will keep on happening, and you will have no control over it, just like what happened to my life. I once failed, and every now and then I keep on failing. Gumawa lang ako ng kasalanan isang beses ngunit naging sunod-sunod iyon at pabigat ng pabigat. I thought what I was doing was right, but it just backfired on me. No matter how hard I tried, I'd still fail. I failed my family, I failed my friends, I failed him. I guess I failed this lifetime? Can I be born again and make everything right?

What if one day you feel passionate about something and then lose interest afterward? You've been doing that thing for years, but then suddenly, you felt like not doing it. I was born with a talent for painting, and I'm very passionate about it. It was my dream to be more skilled at it, but suddenly I lost interest in doing it. Could it be because I was too busy doing other things that I wasn't able to do it? Can talent die? I don't know how to paint anymore, it's as lifeless as I feel.
          
          There's one guy, I used to love before. The love I had with him was so pure, but then, in a blink, my love had died for him. Our relationship was so ideal that I thought it was unreal. How could my love die when what we have is already a fairytale? I'm frustrated with myself because I easily lose interest. I've been into different jobs because I can't keep working with no interest. Because of it, I have no permanent place to go. It's a good thing I had no family to leave. In my frustration of not finding my longtime interest, I'm trying different things. And in the middle of my search, someone comes into the picture. I never thought that the interest I'd been looking for was him. This is the only time I'm afraid that I'll lose interest again.

May mga naiisip akong kwento pero di talaga ako magaling sumulat. Kaya magpopost ako dito ng sypnosis o summary ng mga kwentong gusto kung isulat. At kung sino man ang interesado na sumulat ng buong kwento ng mga ipopost ko, welcome po. Lagyan niyo lng po ng credits at idm niyo ako kasi aside sa mga summary na ipopost ko, may mga scene rin akong naiisip na gusto kong idagdag sa buong kwento. Hindi ko kasi alam kung paano ko papatakbuhin ang kwento at sa tingin ko sayang yung mga ideas na meron ako kung di ko manlang maishare.  Salamat.