dunno

guess I just wanna exist in people's lives even when I'm not right next to them 

I should stop updating this.

think I'm turning into you, lol.
          
          toxic ass.

what do i do wrong
          am i that boring
          it's not like i'm unsupportive
          it's not like i'm mean
          it's not like i'm cold
          where do i keep going wrong
          
          i just wish i got the same energy i give
          

wish i had some common sense
          
          
          
          think im gonna go for a drive tonight
          
          get gas station dinner/lunch

that time last year when we didn't talk,, I finally stopped having those damn nightmares
          
          No it's not a Catherine thing I was just reminded of it because of the game I swear lmao
          
          They weren't like, being chased or anything.
          
          It was just a series of bad things happening.
          Like daydreams on really bad days except they felt real. 
          
          they started maybe year 2, somewhere in there.
          
          "How'd you sleep" has been kind of a funny question to me ever since

God I wish I weren't so paranoid I'm so so glad you don't have this stupid app anymore because I just wanna type whatever down.
          
          I have to go back and lock and re-lock doors because I'll have one little doubt creep in so I go back to re-lock and then I'm like wait did I actually lock that so then I go right back again and do it again. 
          
          Then of course I doubt again lmao.
          So the choice is rinse repeat or trust that I locked the damn door.
          
          That's how I approach most things anyway.
          Which sucks.
          Like I don't do this on purpose.
          
          I'll be driving and instantly think I forgot something so I'll panic and drive fucked up until I find it or say fuck it and pretend it doesn't bother me. 
          
          Hate it so much lol I wish I didn't worry so much about everything.

digging my nails into my gums mouth bloody wish my teeth would fall out 
          
          It's 2:50 am I just cleaned most of my parents' house because the toys everywhere were annoying I know it won't stay that way but at least it'll be nice for this one week. 
          
          

got some water flavor stuff the other day.
          maybe that'll cover up the iron in my water pipes.
          
          at least if it's colored there's an excuse now, right?
          
          
          I think I'm going to get the bad end for Katherine.
          
          Rin ran away, and Catherine is mad at me.
          
          I forgot how the story goes, they changed it so much.
          
          Maybe I should have played on easy, these puzzles are
          
          R o u g h.
          
          
          
          I used to make shapes while writing but I don't think anyone noticed.
          
          
          
          Feel kind of alone today.
          

this is what i meant.
          
          it's okay though.