Hiya Sweetie
Read your first chapter. okay. I know it is a draft but you need to read this better before you post it. Print it out, easier. Get a friend to look at it. You don't have capitals for people's name. Space it out more. Need a bit of description. Describe people, set the scene a bit more. You got something, so run with it. Your dialogue is good, it feels real. Sometimes the spacing can look dramatic too. Hope this helps. Go for it.