To My Monster That Was Never Under My Bed
Instead you made your home inside my head, using my thoughts against me. Manipulating the way I think and learn. You were welcomed with a naïve heart. And in the end, you are the one that is breaking me piece by piece day by day.
You expected so much of me, it wasn’t a beg. It was a command. I walked a thin line with you all my life, one slip up and I would face the consequences head on. I practiced my words before talking to you, but I bit my lip instead. It wouldn’t do me any good to stand up to you, in my head you hold all the power. You can control me like your little puppet, and I let you.
I see myself as a powerless child to you because of the way you raised me. I respected the wrong things and didn’t think about the more important things. My views of life and humans are warped into your frame of mind.
The pain is unbearable. What you decided to do to me and those I love. Now I’m stuck in the middle. I’m your only ticket in and we both know this. So, you play your game with me again, filling my naïve head with what I want to hear. I want to know that you are getting better, yet it isn’t that simple anymore is it?
I’m catching onto your ways, your trick of pulling the wool over my eyes are no longer going to work for as long. I find out the truth faster than you want me to. I was raised with your keen senses and now its coming back to bite you in the butt.
You warned me to watch out for those that only want to use me. They only take, never give. In some ways you were only describing yourself. But you refuse to look at yourself in the mirror like that.
You don’t want me to see you for your true monster, so you use my emotions and insecurities against me. You use my fear of uncertainty and give me false hope. You use the images I put myself in, to make me feel less unless I have your approval.