AbyssalArtisan

I feel so pointless. As if nothing I have done has mattered at all. It shows through when even the person who I stayed alive for 8.5 months for, would so easily want to toss me aside... I see your message life. 

How long until I run out of blood to bleed?

I hate myself because of you. You filled my life with nothing but negativity. You ruined my mind. I still love you, and I hate myself for it.

There was a girl. I was her dream. I soon became her madness. Then I became her reason. After that I was her comfort. Then I was her guardian. Finally I became her husband. All along she has been one thing for me. My smile.

I don't deserve you. You dream for more, that I cannot provide. I cannot provide anything. I should have died in july. I should have let you walk away. I should have let you walk away. I should have let you walk away. I should have let you walk away. I should have let you walk away. I should have let you walk away. I should have let you walk away. I should have let you walk away.I should have let you walk away. I should have let you walk away. I should have let you walk away. I should have let you walk away. I should have let you walk away. I should have let you walk away. I should have let you walk away. I should have let you walk away.

Love taken for granted?
          I have seen that more in the past months than I have seen love in my life.

My mind is breaking and you don't understand. Scars once closed now bare new wounds, inflicted by those within my mind. You began to press apon the injury so I asked about it to you. You lashed back with salt and fire, which cause pain but a cauterization. The wounds now have now sealed again, this time with scars that bare a new mark.

My curse is apon us. My paranoia is wracking. I begin to lash out, but I'm the one to blame.

Failing your partner brings about shame. Failing your partner by putting your own needs first brings about five times that shame.
          Why do I fail so easily?

The others once locked away, struggle to break free. They tell me I am useless, and who am I to argue, I have only made everything worse. She deserves much better than me, but I don't know if I could take it without her. What would it be like if I faded away and let them take me? Maybe at least they could take care of her...
          I sorry that I am so useless.