Aceryydvde

I'm officially 13 yrs old,aka the age I lied abt

Aceryydvde

Hello everyone! So in this update  explaining why I haven't active in awhile.. I am truly sorry for disappearing Without letting you guys know. And I have 3 reasons I will be bringing up in this video and hope you guys understand. 
          Number 1,on April 3rd which is almost my periodical examinations are close (which is on may 14 and may 15) , I have been stressing out so much and trying to remain on top 1 which gives me a lot of pressure since that's what my family expected me to be (on first quarter I was top 3,on the second I got top 2 and on the 3rd quarter I got top 1) now quarter 4 is finished but they are still making us go to school (it is supposed to be for the students who are missing some outputs/activities).. But for the main thing I wanna talk about is my experience on this specific quarter. I have been so nervous that I will not be top 1 and I have tried my best but I'm just always disappointed on myself and I think my family is to disappointed and I felt this heavy burden everyday till after the 2nd day examination. Also adding the fact some people are better than me.. I feel incredibly useless in everything and to everyone. 
          Number 2,Well lately, I've been feeling suicidal.. I have considered calling a helpline but I am not too sure what they do (if anyone has contacted a suicide helpline before please tell me how the procedure 
          went) and I have been actually doing self harm.. Usually small ones so no one notices, they are thin but also deep cuts.. And also I have been having "thoughts", what I mean by that is basically having sex with older males/females and I feel and dirty after thinking about that considering the fact I'm 13 years old and I have been crying a lot and I don't know what else I am gonna do with my life.

Aceryydvde

@Aceryydvde 
            Number 3,Feeling tired.. I feel extremely unmotivated, it may be due to some stress I'm experiencing and I see other people's work, I feel upset at myself, asking myself ;" why can't I be like them? " or "why do I bother living? " and some more among the lines and I hate it for thinking that and I also hate myself for existing.. I was basically a failed abortion according to my grandmother's story.. Some of my family members wanted to remove me from my mother. 
            I have been staying away from my family and classmates or just people I know in real life in general because I don't really feel happiness when I'm with them but I'll be honest, talking to people online is so much comfortable. And that's why I wanna come back, I feel so much like myself when I post or just talk to you guys in general, that's the good side of the internet, it's like my safe place.. 
            If you have made it this far, thank you for listening.. I appreciate it a lot, with you just having time to listen to an ai voice with a random teen typing words.. But once again, thank you so much for listening. But I would also mention something, I did make a post schedule, so hopefully in the future , things will go great! .... This is a goodbye from Ace. And please wait for updates, I'll try posting on tt and yt at the same time update my books
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