Me; Is this thing on? I can't tell if it's working. *it's obviously working*
Friend; *facepalm* yes, it's on and working. 
Me; cool, allow me to begin. *clears throat* Hello ultra-verses, multi-verses, mega-verses, and any other verses. You obviously know my name but you don't know much about me now do you? No, no you don't. So let me tell you about myself. If i were a battery percentage, i'd be dead. also, just to warn you im a crazy psychopath and- oh look the neighbor's having a bonfire!! *leaves*
Friend; *facepalm* and to think i actually care for her well being. *hears screaming* and that's my cue. *leaves*