AestheticTv

Bruh this shit really getting me tested up reading all this. :,) like how I put my self down and came back saying that past me was wrong.
          
          I’m very happy rn but my friends acting that an ass and I just want them to be ok. 
          
          Whatever, they can deal with it. Anyways. 
          
          Maybe my friend will fall apart? Why do I always have to worry about this? I don’t I will anymore. I think I’m going to start trying to focus on myself and not get involved with my friends’ fights bc they are not my battles. 
          
          I’m just happy 

NARDS

HAHA 

Next year was definitely better.
          
          
          I regained that friend back ( still kind of paranoid though) 
          
          I'm focused on myself more and my stress levels have been low, which is amazing. 
          
          I feel like getting back into homestuck but idk the fandom is kinda cringy. 
          
          I mean I know o use to like therefore I was very cringy as well, I just mean that it's kind of exhausting getting into something like that.
          
          I am not in any fandoms anymore really. 
          
          I'm keeping to myself and like myself.
          
          Idc if anyone every tells me otherwise bc I am awesome and I love myself so much.
          
          Now I just need to make more friends. 
          
          
          Thanks for listening.
          

Hey I'm back ish?? 
          
          I've been in a WAYYYY better mood. I still miss my mom. But I mood my old house too. On 4th of July our neighbor made his own fireworks and set them off. We use to watch them from my brother's room. I miss like stupid stuff like that and it makes me feel weird. 
          
          This year hasn't been a good one. 
          
          For starters, my mom died. I have been in moods lately.
          
          I miss my old house.
          
          I lost a very good friend. 
          
          Well, I don't think they even counted as a friend from what happened. 
          
          After that I don't feel very connected to any of my friends anymore. It makes me worried.
          
          I'm paranoid and anxious all the time. 
          
          But whatever. I'm moseying along here and I think it'll all turn out ok. 
          
          I hope next year is better.  

Right now I don't think I'm worth anything. Happy birthday to me whoo hoo 

Get y'all. I'm not really venting right now (even tho this will probably morph itself into one) but just go say come updates with my life. 
          
          I've been not caring about anything. Or caring too much over something. There's no in between. 
          
          I feel lost. 
          
          Idk. 
          
          I miss my mom. 
          
          She died and it's like...nobody really noticed? I mean I don't tell people, but it seems some people ah e already forgotten about her or how I feel about it. 
          
          This sounds stupid as I'm writing it because it's just really cliche. 
          
          But at the same time I don't want people to pay attention to me because I'll cry and bleh. 
          
          Like I was saying before. If I try and talk about it I'll cry and I'll just end up worrying more people than actually growing closer? 
          
          Like how I rant on here because none of my friends have this app. 
          
          Let me give you some background to my friends.
          
          They mostly good around. I mean, shit, I literally laughed when I told them my mom died and now it's some joke where if someone accidentally mentions shit about my mom I have to totally embarrass them by saying " uh my moms dead." And everyone will be like "ooooh". I don't necessarily not like that, it's fun to see people squirm sometimes. Just I want my friends to know that  I'm not always in a joking mood. Like I'm really fucked up. Like a lot. 
          So that's how my friends are.
          
          Here's probably how the situation would go down if I vented about this stuff to my friends:
          
          I'd most likely say something about my mom and how I miss her and my friends would just get real quiet, maybe even avoid the conversation completely. Or they'll ask if I'm alright and then I'd say "yeah" because I can't say no, because saying no would mean "I'm depressed, i want to die." And they'd start getting really gently around me. 
          
          Like when my mom first died, they would never mention anything about Mom's and when they accidentally did they'd look at me like " oh, sorry. " and it'd get awkward.
          
          So, I just don't want that to happen. 

I just want things to be better you know??? 
          
          My friend in my first hour moved so I have no one there to talk too and I hate thinking about that because my teacher knows that I'm going through a hard time and
          
          I have to have a partner r else she will think something is wrong and I do t want her to confront me about it because I'll just start crying and I need to get my life together.
          
          English is going to be un enjoyable now and it will be added to the list of classes i don't say anything in. 
          
          The funny part was that my friend moved with out telling anyone. I mean she was sad about it but she could have gave me a heads up???
          
          I think I'm going to have a panic attack during first hour tomorrow. I hope I try and make a new friend. 
          

I'll start on my body. I look like a grandma. It might be funny when I think of it but then I start to think of how ugly I am and how nobody would probably want a romantic relationship with me.
          
          I'm too fat, my tits sag, and my butt just hangs there. I don't want this.
          
          I wish I could work out, I can, but I don't have the motivation to even get out of bed sometimes.
          
          I just want to sleep forever. 
          
          
          I think I have social anxiety.

From now on here's my vent. So if you want to read me whine about my gross problems, then here ya go! This is the only place I can vent because I don't want to ruin my relationships with people
          
          Sad, yes I know. But I know, if I share this info then I'm basically terminating any relationship I've made with anybody. 
          
          So...yeah