HarshKumar693

[I wrote the rest of the comment here]
          
          So what I am saying is story like yours where you show everyone as good people but changed due to circumstances and special reasons don't end up very liked by people unless you're a very good writer or you have heaven's luck.
          
          But I am not exactly the best writer out there so this is only my opinion. Don't take it the bad way.
          
          But overall your story is very good. And your imagination is fantastic. Your story would definitely be the potential best in phycological and tragic stories.
          
          As an advice, try to make the ending of the story is the best you can make. Stories like yours is important to have a very good ending, otherwise you story won't be very liked.
          
          And extremely sorry for this loooooong comment

HarshKumar693

@HarshKumar693 hmmm...a very interesting point of view. But I'll say the story still needs some very bad people. Use asuras for that if you don't want to stain other characters. And if you can , don't let karna be cursed in the story. It's only my desire so I won't hold it against you , if you do curse him. And be extremely careful in the next chapters, the things you should watch out for-
            
            1. Who should karna and duryodhana be shipped with, since they are neither evil nor good. As duryodhana and karnashouldn't abduct anyone if they are good.
            2. Should Draupadi be a caste discriminating person or not, since pandavas kind of are.
            3. Vrushali is dead, so who should karna marry.
            4. The chirharran of Draupadi should have an extremely important reason as readers won't like if you just give some wishy washy reason.
            5. Chapters should at a constant time. Not too quick nor too late. You need to have good amount of time to write a good story as you're writting a rather tough story.
            
            Lastly, do read my story as well. It's a very interesting if I do say so myself.
• Reply

AkhilN1

@HarshKumar693 
            
            I understand what you are saying. The reason I am focusing more on others than karna for now is that karna is a teenager and he had only begin his journey. But satyavati, bhishm they had lived a huge part of their life. So these characters have their own agenda and motivation for what they are doing. While karna is on the path of finding his purpose. So I feel like I need to establish these characters before I drive deep into karna. I strongly believe that a captivating  protagonist can be developed if the other characters are fully developed. 
            I believe that no human was born as evil nor good. It's our surrounding and circumstances make us whom we are.
            I also hate the concept of good vs evil there is nothing like that. It's only people with different agendas. I understand your complaint about karna not being heroic but actually I am not trying to potray Karna as the epitome of good. He too will have situations where he has to make decisions that some may consider evil . He is just like us a flawed man but who will learn from his mistakes.
             
            And I hope with heaven's luck I could pull this off
• Reply

HarshKumar693

Honestly, your story is amazing and confusing.
          Amazing, because of the ideas you thought of and the twists in the story. And confusing because I can't seem to understand what your focus in this story is. 
          
          I can see that you made a story in which there's no intervention from gods. And if someone told me your version of mahabharat is the real and the one written by ved vyas is fake, I would believe it 70%. Reason being that looking at the society,politics and rules of this day and age, I always doubt that the story of mahabharat has even a shred of truth. I mean who would believe that such naive people ever existed. I am not trying to insult anyone but seriously just look at the people of today and of dwapar yug. You would see how cunning people are these days. And how naive people were of those times. And lastly the reason is because I highly doubt that a god would come on earth for mahabharat war.
          
          But I don't know what your trying to show in your story. For example I am karna fan. I am also an atheist but I enjoy seeing mahabharat stories just like a novel. But the point I was getting at the karn fans like me focus on karna. Showing him as a great hero. But I don't see any aim in your story. It's like your just writing whatever comes in your mind. If your trying to show pandavs and duryodhana as ignorant characters who were manipulated by their surroundings then I think you made yudhisthira as a confusing character and if your trying to showcase bhishma,drona and other elders as villain. Then I don't think you're doing a good job because after reading pov of satyavati and bhishma.  I only feel pity for them. They seem more like original karna than karna of your story.