bryn / brân / alastair

tw mentions of su!c!de . . . .
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          I spent a long time asking people not to vent to me because it was badly impacting my health but I've now had 2 people on the brink of ending it in the same amount of days. one of them is okay but the other i dont know. Id so much prefer if they talked to me. they;re just twitter mutuals but I can't let them do this???

So like I'm back in my being pissed at Chibnall era, which I never really left but I have long times of not speaking about it so I might go write a Doctor Who fanfic. A fix-it fic, if you will.

TW rant, OCD, perfectionism, anxiety
          
          I'm scared of being seen as stuck-up and someone who boasts but I'm terrified that if I do not achieve all the highest grades and do the best on every subject that I'm worth nothing. It's awful. I hate OCD as well, it just makes everything worse. I have to do everything specifically otherwise I get this deep feeling inside that something bad's going to happen, that it's going to affect everything that happens. I need the regularity because it's a safe haven but it's also almost like a curse because I can't break out of habits I know are going to get to me eventually. When someone else messes them up on purpose I can feel the rage build up, I need to hit something and let it out, but that's violent and people don't understand the need for it. It's everything I can to not rip up every single one of my sketchbooks, smash my guitar and break the strings, to pour tea all over my laptop, because it's just not right.

I just want to watch gay book ~tv edition~ but I can't because mother says no netlix :(

This is now:
          a) a backup account
          b) a way of editing my works that I have ttried out on my main
          c) a way of trying out works so I can edit them and post them on my main
          d) a oneshot account
          e) a shitpost account dedicated to one singular image

tempted to change my pfp rn...

Full story up now!

Day 1 / 7 of thinking I'm going to suffocate!!!! Gotta love Covid
          
          I feel bad for all y'all asthmatics out there cannot imagine living with my lungs feeling like they are caving in every second of every day

so I gave up on attempting to write vanilla smut because I don't want to have to write like ~that~ so yeah I have some ideas....
          anyway I just listen to music now.

anyways can't finish today, must go read Neverwhere by Neil Gaiman until midnight because I can't watch Killing Eve for any longer today otherwise the queer enemies to lovers canon in a comedy crime thriller might actually get me
          
          so yeah-