alilydoggie

https://www.wattpad.com/story/377405903?utm_source=android&utm_medium=link&utm_content=share_writing&wp_page=create&wp_uname=Af232User

listen dude i'm really sorry for potentially saying something insensitive to you

brother no way you accidentally blocked me on discord PFFT how clueless are you about technology LMAO

i dare you to kill off rengoku during mugen train arc

hows chapter 3 lmao, ik for a fact after 7-8 chapters your progress will slow down, and if you still somehow keep your pace even after 10 chapters then uhh, il help you with your middle school exams LMAO

aight i used the suggestions you made for chapter one, thanks for giving me your thoughts :)

Me resisting the urge to kill off rengoku with Shinobu also being in the mugen train mission so that she gets depressed and has character development and giyu has to make her feel better thus making them grow closer. Sigma 

oh yeah dude can you gimme your thoughts about my story? nobody gives me any advice so could you tell me what you think and give me your honest opinion even if you think my story sucks, I need to become a better writer and stuff dude

oh yeah btw i've read some of the light novel, but just a heads up the yae that became Ubume isn't the same yae giyu and shinobu encountered during the gaiden so yeah just a heads up so you don't accidentally mix em up

chapter 2 was very good, but one thing you need to improve on is branching out your character depth, lemme explain what I mean, you're writing the characters based off of how the manga and anime portrayed them but the problem with that is that It can make the characters seem dull or sometimes not make any sense, for example Shinobu wouldn't have said "ne Ne Tomoka-san ignoring me again I see" as she only developed that kind of personality after kanae died, before kanae died she was brash and hot tempered. but yeah overall your way of writing is much better then mine but there are definitely one or two aspects you can improve on. which of course you will by the time you reach chapter 6 or 7 since the first 2 - 3 chapters can have a few rough edges but your one was really nice, good work lil dude!