Alotta

          I don't think I am crazy but look at what I am saying lol...I have never cried for anyone before but look at me now, my eyes are swollen and my pillow is soaked lol...
          I would love to keep with the image of uncertainty but it will hurt more... especially with 0 hopes of ever being with you even if for a day....
          
          Maybe in another lifetime... even if I don't get married to you or even be one of your ex's, I wouldn't mind being able to see you and admire you from a far while keeping this memory so close to me...
          
          
          I truly meant it when I said I loved you dearly and it broke my heart more when all our messages had been deleted on here....

You made me believe that I am capable of being loved and my curves, skin, eyes , lips and everything else about me are beautiful including the freak in me. Thank you for accepting me the way I was.. and honestly I don't think I will ever forget someone like you, stranger. I know it's going to take time, I won't say months but I know it will be not less than a year or two to let go again...
          
          It's not because I don't want to love someone else but because I want to love you for as long as I hoped I could.... even from far. I want to have the time to take myself on the little ice cream dates I mentioned that I want to go out with you...i will pretend you are right across from me, my hand in yours,.your eyes staring into mine. I still want to have the time to cuddle with the image of you next to me, my hands wrapping around you bringing you more to me even from a distance...I want to hold hands with you..I want to fall asleep to your voice in my ears and wake up to the scent of vanilla filling my senses. I hardly doubt, I will take anything vanilla like again and not think about you... I want to give myself all you wished to give with your hands, it may not be as perfect as you would but at least you would be there with me....
          

Remember when you told me to believe in love…stranger?
          I finally do... but I don't think I would want to do this again....
          
          
          It's truly terrifying and yes it hurts a lot... maybe because I’ve felt it now. The way it takes over your heart is undescribable. I learned in order to love, I need to let go...
          
          Let go of the fears, uncertainty and all you do is feel. Feel their presence even if miles away. I'm also happy and lucky I tried this with someone like you... there's a way you would hold me, with your words, voice or even how fast your words roll of your tongue or even when you laugh or when you would take about your precious family. I hadn't known you for long but I already know how truly genuine you are....truly and yes you are nice and good like you always say.  I accept..lol.. I finally do..