Alysia

I'm five minutes away from having another fucking break down because my ex thinks it's funny for fucking messing with my feelings all the god damn time!
          
          
          Anywaaaaaays I'll try to get another chapter out soon hope the rest of you are doing well :)

Does anyone elses parents talk about you after you've left the room but you just stay standing outside the door to hear them discussing you, how you act, how you treat them, how you look, how much weight you've gained because that's what everyone in my family does once I've left the room and then they ask why I never stay around them or even talk to them, what do you want me to stay there holding back my tears while I think about how you guys talk about me once I leave. No I'd rather stay away from you all instead that way I don't have to actually realise or accepts how ugly I am or how fat I am now it's not my fault I'm fucking depressed it's them, they are the reason why but clearly they just say it's the phone or my friends no it's fucking not it's how you stupid fucking idiots treat me! 

Am I not good enough for people? Like I know I'm fat and ugly but I don't have a sign on my back saying 'come bully me it won't hurt' or 'when I get the courage to ask out my crush just come take them away from me and make them hate me'.....if I'm not good enough then tell me and I'll leave.....forever 

Was it all a lie? 
          Every touch,
          Every kiss,
          Every hug,
          Everything you said to me,
          All the "I love you's",
          All the "I will never leave" 
          All the "your mine forever, nothing will change that" 
          Was it all a lie.....because trust me I believed every bit of it.....and yet I wanna go back to all the lies you told me and ever did to me because that's the most I ever felt alive. Correction that was when I died inside all of that caused me to die slowly and yet you didn't even notice, no one ever did and will never notice. So I will lie behind all these smiles I give you, all these hugs and kisses.....because that's what you did to me 

Does anyone find me annoying?

Would anyone even miss me if I disappeared? 

Ugh I have to have dinner with my auntie and mum.....save me plz I dont want to deal with 'are you dating anyone' ugh I hate it my mum still asks me constantly and it winds me up bc they always think im lying when I say im not. They never listen 

Heyyyy is anyone else crying bc their mother/ father/ parent/ guardian has just screamed at you for absolutely no fucking reason? Or is that just me bc my mum is so horrible that she told me to get under the bed to help her with something and welp I couldn't fit under bc my chest was too big, no not bc of the fucking hoodie I was wearing and like hell I was taking it off and just standing there in my joggers and bra, no fucking thank you then she screams at you bc you can't fit under it????? Like thanks for making me feel more insecure about my fucking body! Like they are suppossed to be there for you and make you feel good but half the time she's the reason why I want to end it all! 
          
          
          Thanks for comming to my little rant and crying session dont worry the same show will probably be on every night so get comfy and bring some popcorn and enjoy <3 

Hehe I burnt mine and my mum's dinner and I just finished eating my McDonald's. My mission was a success! Never trust the spawn of Satan with cooking food (I laugh) 
          
          
          My mum looked so disappointed in me when she came home....whoops 

Im officially board at school, its lunch and i have nothing better to do. And my friends keep on telling me to update one of my stories but i dont know which ones.......which one do you guys want updated more?