Tw
Mom,
I know my report card wasn't a straight line of A's. Or B's. I know you didn't see me study for even a second this year. I know that you won't show it to anyone, my grandma asking but you won't show her. You'll just shake your head and whisper under your breath, 'it reflects her effort.'
And I'm sorry for that, I really am. I will try study this year, higher my grade, improve on it. But what you didn't see was my actual health. I went from suicidal all the time and self harming in 2016 and 2017 and the start of 2018, to kinda of okay with mostly okay days! That's a big thing to me! And I'm proud of myself! But your face, your head shaking and your eyes lowering, I'm sorry. I'm sorry it isn't all A's and B's.
This winter I put on a coat, and I didn't care if it made me seem I had a few more pounds than I am. I was warm and healthy and it went down to my thighs. That in itself is a win for me. You don't know how bad my head is. I can't study if I just lock myself in my room and cry.
So this year, my aim is not A's or B's, it's the knowledge that I can do it.
The knowledge that I am more than some letters and remarks on a paper that my teachers came together to say.
And, mom, I don't care what you say about him, my father would say I'm doing well if he was here. He would pay more attention to how I actually feel than you. He always did.
Here's to my lowest mark, 24% in history, I'm better than that.
- your daughter.
