Amatump

New year and I feel the same as last year, well not exactly. I'm older now, I guess, the world sucks, and it's not going to really improve this year, I'm not excited for this year whatsoever, I have no one anymore, I'm the definition of alone. Well maybe not, they exist, just not for me, I can't talk to anyone and I feel like, I just want to have worth, I want to look forward to the next day instead of losing hope slowly. I want to have deep conversations for hours on the phone, I want to hangout with someone, I want them to like me hobbies, help me, and make me happy, but that's just too much to want, no one would be willing to give me that. No matter how hard I try to fix my life it just doesn't work out, I put mask of happiness pn and no one can tell how I feel, sure it's fine, but I just want someone to break me, I want to let all the emotions I've been hiding out, I want to rant/vent for hours until I can feel free from these heavy emotions, everyday adds more lists of problems and I just know this year won't be different. I have tried every fucking year since things went to shit to fix it, but there's not point anymore, there is no point to look forward to anything when it never goes how my fantasy wants, and you know what, it's probably me, I just people please and never show myself, but what if they don't like myself, at least I have someone. I just want to be helped, I want someone to help me make a genuine friend and work through this, but I know it won't happen, it doesn't matter though, I'm just someone random aren't I?
          
          Happy new years guys! Try to enjoy this year, yk even if you feel like shit, you can do it :) <33

@-Sakura-Shi- Lolll

@-Sakura-Shi- Bro my friend hasn't watched the anime yet, so now I have to physically force her to

@-Sakura-Shi- Lolll

@-Sakura-Shi- Lmao

I am so proud of my self, I have finally escaped being glued to one thing. You know when you enjoy something so much you never want to leave, you just want to stay forever. Yeah, me and uhm Dream SMP was that, don't get me wrong I still enjoy it, a lot. But I was fixated I mean would refuse to do anything else, I just wanted it all to be related to Dream SMP, because I was afraid of losing it. But I'm finally learning, it's okay to enjoy more than one thing. Do not fixate on one thing, it hurts when others start to move away from that thing, it just makes you feel alone, and it just ruins your mental health, I'm saying it from experience.
          
          And it's okay to like one thing more than other things just don't fixate on it, if someone recommends something look into it, please don't say you will and never do it, you will just feel alone.
          
          Anyways enough of my rant, I am back, if you guys wanna talk we can lol, I am actually doing better, a lot better, or it feels as though. Don't worry though, I think I am going to be good for awhile, other than school in a week.
          
          I hope school doesn't destroy me, as I avoid all of my friends, don't do that please my god.
          
          Either way, if you wanna talk to me, you can, and I recommend

@_Steve-Harrington_ HIII

@_Steve-Harrington_ Yes??

Honestly this book might be my last writing isn't really for me, well it's fun I'll give you that, but after this book their might be a short crimeboys one-shot book, and maybe SBI but the whole Techno situation. I'm scared on what might happen, everything in my life is changing so suddenly and I hate it. I wish I did more when I could have, I wish I never held myself back, I wish I told the truth to them, I wish I fixed everything, I wish instead of sitting on my bed waiting to get better I would actually do something, I wish I wasn't pathetic.

Not feeling great, Technoblade just died. I have one story with him but after that is done being written, I will refrain from.using his character. I don't want to be reminded of him, nor rind anyone else. It's sad it happened, but he was great right? He was funny and an absolute God, who doesn't love Techno? I feel horrible and don't want to write but fuck it, I'm getting this book out soon. Rest in peace Technoblade, I never thought I'd experience something like this