I am the potato goose, if you don't know what that is you need to learn. 
Also humans don't exist. 
Lavender threw the spoon at Seamus, 
Who exploded all spoons,
So the wooden spoons don't exist,
Therefore there is no wood, 
So there is no trees, 
So there is no oxygen, 
So there is no air,
And we are all still breathing (mostly),
So we aren't human

Thank you for you time...
Don't overthink the spoon