@thesammytrainer
I just finished reading it. Thanks for sharing! Here's my honest take:
You've got a solid concept. The idea of Horikita and Ayanokouji meeting before the bus scene is a believable what-if and opens up an interesting change in dynamics early on.
Character-wise, it's not bad. Ayanokouji’s internal monologue starts off well, especially with the philosophical touches and commentary on society. But at times, his reactions felt a bit too expressive or awkward compared to his usual self. Horikita also came off more harsh than coldly blunt, so dialing that down would help her feel more canon-accurate. A slower buildup would also feel more natural.
Overall, it has a solid foundation with a good effort on the tone! Thank you again for sharing!