Bear with me, I am trying to update as quickly as I can. But as for this week and the next, I'm going to need some time...
Yesterday afternoon, I had two of my friends (or who I thought were my friends) completely abandon me, and turned on me. Calling local authorities/emergency people and telling them I threatened to hurt myself (when I said and did nothing of the sort) and just straight up verbally abuse me via text messages…
The whole ordeal has left me completely shattered and shaken up, not only as the friend I was (and tried to be) to them, but also, because I have abandonment issues, as a Little as well… (I’m a Little in the Ddlg lifestyle)
All night at the hospital, I was shaking, and continuously doubting and asking myself what I’d done wrong to be hated so much… for the longest time, I felt I couldn’t get to be calm ever again, and refused not only food and drinks, but also any medication the hospital staff wanted and offered me, to take and help me calm down… all I ever want, is to help where and however I am able to… it’s left me unable to understand why or what I did…
So, until further notice, I’m taking a bit of a ‘My Little Self Needs Time’ break away from life… maybe a week or two to get myself back to feeling okay again…
Anyway, this journal entry rant is over for now… hopefully tomorrow is a better day for me…
Ana.