salem <3

YEET-

y'all, im getting dragged back into pjo
          
          ngl im slightly terrified cos last time I did this I was 12, but fuck it we ball, I guess

*screams into the void*

SUP GAYYYYYYS IM BACK FROM THE VOID!!!!!!!!!!!

hey silly little internet, i havnt been on here in a while but guess what
          
          I'm officially a level 1 roller derby skater, its not a player/contact level but still

just changed from xXImmortalvIddiotXx to Anatomical-hearts because brain said so

because its the same partner who laughed at me when i said i wanted to look at being a pediatric nurse
          but so fucking what if i want to love, or to help people, if i love heartsd and pink and hugs and shinyt thiungs
          but whevever i meantion hearts for something, she just sayd "oh lovecore" and she says she doesnt mean it maliciously,m but i feels like she does
          and i fucking hate how bad this relationship is getting
          because im really bad at talking about things, or empathising, i cant even cry out of sadnesss= anymore
          and i barely feel anything anymore
          i want to love, i want to be loved, i want to just live life without having to constantly pull my shorts just a but further down my theigh because what uif they see
          sometimes all i want is just to pack up[ and leave
          find somewhere new just with ziggy (the only partner who i can really actually talk to anymore)
          but im fucking 15
          i cant do jack shit
          im stuckm in this hell hole called life
          stuck in a bad relationship because im too scared to talk about breaking up
          and stuck in my mothers house because i have no way out
          i cant drive
          my bikes are out the back
          i have no money (because stupid post covid world fucking evreryone over)
          i dont even have a job yet
          im stuck as a B and C student because i cant even tell left and right proper;y
          gods fucking dam it if i have to actually read anything out loud
          sometimes I hate love

gods i fucking hate love sometimes
          
          and the fact that my pain love language is physical affection
          because two out of three other partners hate physical contactand i dont know how to deal with it because i dont remember the last time either of the two meantioned said i love you back to mer
          or at alland how one of my partners told me off on friday because i told someo0ne on the train that they looked really cool (they did)
          but i messaged in a snapchat group that the person had headphones so i didnt want to annoy them, but i told them they looked cool as i got up to get off at my station
          and i messaged in the group chat that i dold them they looked cool, and my gf told me off for talking on the train
          it wasnt even a quiet carrige
          but she just asdsumed it was
          she wasnt even on the train that day
          but one of the other people in the chat said i should tell them they looked cool (it was after i got off, but anyway) and i messaged back that i did tell them
          'and my partner told me off
          to which the other person said something like "dont get annoyed at them, i encouraged it"
          and my partner just messaged back saying the friend did nothing wrong and i should have known better
          because the person had headphones so clearly they wanted to be left alone
          but i said it wnyway because when im in a bad mood, i dont care if i want to e left alone, if someone tell sme i look cool (or anything alone those lines) i feel better
          but i messaged back in the chat and my partner told me i was twisting her words
          and got angry at me
          then when i stopped messaging back she got annoyed at me for not responding
          and i fuycking hate this

i fucking hate myself
          because any time there is even a tiny bit of conflict
          i just fucking shut down
          and i just fucking cant anymore
          because my partner is annoyed at me because i asked them to stop being annoying, and then they just started ranting about how nobody ever tells them why theyre mad at them
          and i just didnt fucking answer
          because everytime someone starts ranting at me or getting annoyed and i say something back its always the wrong thing to say
          even if it isnt
          but people just dont like being told that theyre wrong, do they

guess whos gonna try to learn do i wanna know on their bass guitar even though they remember literally two single string riffs and havent played in like three years