...It's been a while. As a writer, I find myself without words to express what I need to in this message. I want to thank you all for everything, my gratitude to everyone who thought my average work was worth a read, and the light a lot of you brought into my life, writing on this platform has been the biggest respite in my life. It is where my happiest moments and biggest accomplishment are. Truth be told, I don't think there was a moment in my life where I ever felt happy, but if I was capable of an emotion it surged within me every time I read a comment or interacted with you all. being Rae, a writer on here is a blessing...But my life, pathetic as it is, was never something I inherently found peace or belonging in. I've always felt out of place in this world, I've always known dreams of the future weren't for someone like me. God or multiple gods, they have to put their anger somewhere and I often felt they chose to punish me. I don't much like them either but I always stayed in this life solely because I couldn't bear to hurt the one person closest to me....Unfortunately, that person, my mother, passed away recently. My life has always been hell to me but never as numb as I've felt in the following month that's passed. I can't remember when I last heard my own voice or got up, I don't remember anything besides a slow descent into nothing. I like to think reincarnation exists and if were wishful thinking, I always liked the thought of getting reborn into one of my fixations....I suppose that's sorta cheesy but the thought always comforted me. Maybe there are people in this life who can endure more suffering than me, maybe people exist who are less cowardly...But I don't have any room left to put my pain. I have no purpose anymore. Regardless of this message, I want you all to know writing my book is the proudest thing I've ever done because it let me know all of you. I can only apologise to you all I never got to write In your honour or other works. I'm sorry.
