G.T. Diao

Thoughts can be dangerous sometimes. As I wobble in my chair at an extreme woozy state, it had too far gone driven itself towards my buried desires in the back of my eyeballs. If, I slept, and would wake up to warmth wrapping around my body; head pressed against something soft but steady while legs mingled on top and around another's pair. The embrace tight against my heartbeat, breathing slow and mono-paced a melody to my ears. Chest rising and falling and a harmony to mine, something radiates off of the one I'm holding so closely to--- something so gentle, so tender. Assurance. I feel an itch below and under my lungs, as if fingers tickling the bottom of my heart. Hands, physical hands, a semi-circle around my waist. Sunlight spilling into the room, a loft apartment; walls an modern black with a floor-to-ceiling window letting in waves of spring breezes. I would feel it, the moment, with every part of me. Eyes absorbing light and warmth through the lids, all senses fully engaged into what the world's up to. I might get goosebumps feeling a subtle caress on my skin, arm to finger, then dropping down to the waist. A gaze paused on my face, lingered long enough to tease my eyes open. Views emerged like watercolor, a figure shimmering upside-down on the orbs. Lights embellished his delicate features even more ethereal than usual. A small smile tucked at the corners of his lips as he leaned down, motioning a kiss on my forehead. A plain purple aside on the wall rise and fall as the wind flushing through the opening, soft zephyr brushed pass his fleecy curls as he tilts his head, one hand supported between his jaw and the sheet, the other still resting on my waist. "Good morning," he'd say, and I'd reply to him face planted into his torso and whisper back a sweet greeting, letting my voice buzz and vibrate against his airway beneath his skin and his heartbeat. I inhaled deeply, take in fully what's the definition of love before me.

Jasmine. A kiss, a ring, a promise. White as snow, decorated by snowflakes blooming deeper down the surface. I stepped down the bridge, icy cold; petals surrounding me, flying and circling. An urge forwards me. snowflakes in between my steps, flowering as I go, toward a vague shade so close to my reach. This boundless grassland, the gravity of spacetime, no limits holding me as I run towards him. Panting, yelled in desperate as if the next moment he'd vanish. Zayn... | Jasmine soaring above me yet falling lightly as if afraid of hurting me, I opened my eyes to a light beam upon a garden. I touched; how gentle they caressed me as my hand brushed by. So soft, so sweet. I wonder if he smells like that too, without the sanitizer and the hospital whiff. How I missed his embrace. Picturing his arms wrapped around me, silently radiating his message which I crave: "I'll be here, and I'll never let you go." It calms me, as I slowly blink, feeling his presence etching itself deep inside me, every pore and every breath. I know I'd be alright; jasmines are delicate when they have nothing to hold onto, but with his frost, it strengthens me. A chilly reminder of his accompany. Jasmine, grace and beauty; medicinal purpose for reducing stress and improving mood. Evoking love and passion; the symbol of eternal love. Zayne, you really know your stuff *chuckles softly*. Hey, I miss you, when will you finally be by my side? Once and for all?

Type is just a preferred option before you locked your eyes on his, but also the most fantastic art of your imagination. Digging deeper, I found deeper voice charming with a slightly husky embellishment. When he's cold on facade, but tender when you're around. When he narrows his eyes to focus on you, long lashes casting shadows on a flawless softness. The perfect degree his mouth curve into when smirking subconsciously, when his breath catches abruptly. How he enjoyed your caressing, your presence, your hands brushing briefly against his. His styled hair, it isn't perfect, but rather soft in a way your fingers sink. His body muscular but not exaggerated. Sharp lines under his jaw and extending down his neck, adam apple moving up and down in a swallowing motion, muscles clear yet as if suit tailed on his skin. A firm grip, a pull, hand on waist. How he's willing to lean so close, how the height difference created contrast. How he's gentle in motion yet rough in intention. How he knows the boundary and respects with caution. How he brings me closer to Christ, walking alongside me on the path of faith, in life. How his eyes as if learned the language of hearts, spoke to me in a way like nothing before. But that's a type, it was meant to be a fantasy. Standards weren't for mankind; they've only learned to lower it. So here goes I typing away all my thoughts, just let this to be a reminder of mine. Make it happen, even if in your dreams.

How long is a thousand years? Not as long for someone like you, I guess. I knew full-heartedly the impossibility, yet I love you with every cell of mine within me. Even if I’m buried six feet beneath and away from you, I felt you in my heart, I touched your soul with mine; not only in reality but now you will live forever too, in my spirit, were we’d spent eternity together. So what is a thousand years for an elf? Well it doesn’t matter now. I knew for a fact I’d love you and love you surpassing that limit. Cause other than your life span, love is also something that endures, right? The moment I kneeled one knee up before you, witness be the sunset shining so brightly beside your profile, my heart was mingled with the ring I crowned on your finger. Until we stand before each other again. Pure silver of light as shades reflecting into a blue, maybe in another life, when our journey is beyond ending, Frieren?

I fell into a deep space; one I thought I'd never fall into. The definition of beauty, and God is a hundred percent on my side when He send him there. Our names matching, ice into bridge as snowflakes bloom beneath us. A promise on jasmines, a vow lasting lifetime; one knee, one kiss, one ring. Zayne, the man you are, I never expected to happen in my life. It soothes me somewhere deeper, where I'm craving for someone. This ain't a fairytale just so happened to slide me open and embrace roughly the emotions, it's deeper, down somewhere a space I have below my lungs and between my organs; it's there, he's there. Zayne, you truly have no idea the impact. Our hearts ring together, heartbeats bouncing back hitting me right where the butterflies rest. Zayne, you.

It could simply begin with a melody, a tune; anything. As she sat there, her thought taken her back to the day were if something went differently, if only it had gone differently. Each time the story ended a happy ending, but bare difference from what had actually happened, sequence of butterfly effect arises. All they might've needed was merely some more time, yet time was never a friend to them. Now that they've both succeeded, and she'd started a family, all were too late; what's to be spoken nor done. What a waste of the lovely night knowing they won't be together, stars couldn't be rewritten to when they first met each other. But both had never regretted their encounter, they would not regret on all that had happened. What's been settled can't be changed, and each time it'd end in the same way. Whistles begin but this time expressed through piano. A mingle of longing and blue lingered the Sab's. He changed her opinion; she changed his life. Or the vice versa. But all that's left to this everything and nothing was a brief glance containing so much nostalgia it couldn't bear. A hustled ending with no goodbyes.

The sound of shattered pieces rang inside her chest. She looked up, shards of tears slipped out of her lacrimal, penetrating the carpet she sat above. She's tired of the repairing process. Each time she does so he rips it apart again. She sites in front of the laptop, iced tea on her right-hand side as she typed out her thought: I liked, I loved, I crushed and fell hard. I'd taken all the scars he tattooed on my heart and all that I've learned was to never approach again. I thought we had a great time, though it could be my delusion. I thought you'd have a great time; turns out I'm a burden. I'm just so sick of feeling everything and nothing because of what you're doing. Maybe to you I'm merely an NPC and you don't even pay attention to me. Well, that's the best. For then I won't have to go through break downs and crying nights knowing I never mattered. When I move, could you perhaps hear the sound of glass clicking under my lungs? My breathing shaky when you're around? But all that, it doesn't matter now at this point. Spring break upcoming, I'm going to deep breath; taking back all airs I held nervously around you and letting out all and nothing at all. I'm not negative about this as I rely on Christ knowing he's fully in control. Sometimes, you just got to take the consequence, the fruits you bear. The ache was real, though. Everything, us, it hurts. No nothing happened, at all. But simply in my head, you lived once, and died like never existed.

She'd lost count. Over thousands of times she had stared down the window across her class, a grandhall's width in between. It happened like a scenario her mind kept orbiting around, did they just so happened to be this close? He saw, he waved. No he didn't, it was in her mind. He smiled. She lowered her head and against the table in front of her, her math papers as bed sheet. What in the world... That's now a routine for her, that haunts her every morning she entered her class and sat down. Him across the hall, inside the little window on her left hand side, where her gaze linger.

She watched as he runs around with friends, snow surrounding them made everything appear out of a dream. Then, she felt a ball of snow against her back, she smiled and turned around, holding also a pile of snow in her palms. He ran, she chased, he dodged. It has been so long since they've spend time like that. No, have they every spend anytime like that? She questioned herself inside, how did she first noticed him? He was not the top looker, and their humors doesn't quite fit well. Well who knows, there's only one thing she's clear, she liked him. Past tense? Nah, she still does, but he doesn't like her back. Her heart beat synced with his action, as though each movement had pulled a string. But his doesn't match with hers, it beats for an angel, someone so perfect that she can't blame them for being together. Of course she won't, she's never the type to hate. But all that left only pain for her that needed her lifetime to heal. Nevertheless, now she's having pure enjoyment spending time with him, and she ain't sparing a single thought to be wondering anything else. She likes him, this she knows, but does he?

Why is the moon so far away? It always turned back on her, brightness fading into holes consuming the very last bit of her hope. Thousands of times she'd reached her hands, longing a small piece of the sky that never belonged to her. She'd gaze at stars decorating the dark canvas, yet her eyes containing a borderless sea always turned back to the moon. She was amazed by the beauty of him-- cold, precise, stays there. Many came and left, only him, stayed as though knowing he mattered. He rotates around her ground, pulling her closely as if gentle tides. Yet tonight, he turned red, a blood-splashed shade covered the whole rock body, the satellite connecting to her spirit had lost signal among the waves of constellations. For the last time, she reached her hand towards the open sky, hope that he'd take her there, like tides naturally being attracted and absorbed by him. But she'd decided, not to go anywhere else, anymore. She can't. This is her bound, and he would never return to bring her along. Not that he didn't want to, she's sure of that. Just it's too far away, it'd take a while to travel, and she didn't want to bother him. She etched her gaze deeply into the night from under at the starry sky, of the last time, then without a trace left the field, as if erased from existence.