hi sunshine....i love your storys. this is my personal view....on a story you first chapter is very important.....it is your introduction and your hook to draw them into your story. dwelling on a confession, you have come back to reality , for a little bit, before going back into another deep thought of confession. too much broken thought and it was not tie thing together. sorry Hun, you lost your hook or draw to keep the interist going into the story. i love your story and have read several....and because of your past work, i know it will be a great story. ...but if you were a new author and i did know your work, i would have stop after the first chapter, closed the story and moved on to a different one. i will be honest with you....i read the first 3 chapters, stopped. and started a different story. i will come back to this one tomorrow with a new open mind and a fresh point of view....and start reading it again from the bigaining again.... sorry this is just my feeling and point of view not ment to offend you or hurt your feeling. Feel free to talk to me openly.... tasha..
