@Arandomhuman135
HOLY FUCKING BACK PAIN BRO. I TWEAKED IT EARLIER AND OMFG OW. anyways... The way so much of my dysphoria went away once I got my hair cut is fuckin crazy
Finally got the hair cut I wanted. Feel a bit less disforic and like I need to be removed from the world so that's er nice?
You did something to your hip?
@Dragon_of_jade I fucked up from continuously fake falling for my my part
VENT DON'T READ IF YOU NOT IN THE RIGHT HEADSPACE (if you do read I would appreciate advice or anything for that matter I just want to know people understand I think...)
why in the fuck did the feeling that everyone hates me come back. Where was the need. I only actually feel like one person actually likes me and somewhat sees me. I'm so tired I feel like everyone hates me again. And still I can't even figure out what the fuck is wrong with me constantly it's not fucking fair. Why can't I just be fucking normal it’s so stupid I just can't. And now I'm back to the thoughts of oh everyone hates you! Time to die! Oh but just wait till you cut your hair because that's the only thing you turely want. I feel like I'm pushing people away as well I don't want to I don't know it feels like I'm doing it but I don't want to I just think they'd be better off without me an I just can't. I feel like none of them even want to be around me either. The thoughts that I need to not eat are back as well they never quite left but they got quieter. I feel like I'm faking everything. And I'm just a fucking attention seeker. I don't know. I just can't figure out what th fuck is wrong and then I was speaking with my friend and I mentioned I was looking into the idea of possibly maybe having DID but they just said 'I don't think so' and I just feel so upset because their opinion means so much to me but also YOU DON'T KNOW WHAT THE FUCK IS WRONG WITH ME AND YOUR CONSTANTLY TELLING ME WHAT I AM AND EVERYTHING ABOUT ME. ITS TIRING CAN'T YOU JUST LET ME FIGURE MY SHIT OUT. I'M TIRED OF BEING CONSTANTLY TOLD WHAT I AM AND WHAT I AM NOT. I don't know anymore.
@Arandomhuman135 I get how much their word has sway because it has sway over me too, But at the end of the day their word means nothing because they're not in your head and they one know what you've told them. It's not nonsensical. Even if it's not DID, it's SOMETHING and that is enough to prove that it cannot be *nothing.*
@Dragon_of_jade but it's just a bunch of nonsense and I'm probably just making it all up in my head and it just doesn't matter. And even twigs doesn't think DID is a possibility so it probably isn't and just need to give up whatever act I'm trying to do and just not. I just need to be quiet and quit lying to myself and others.
Earlier when you said (jokingly, I assume) that I have a crush, my brain actually short-circuited.
Like IDK MAN.
I don't know if I experience crushes the same way you, an alloromantic does. (You're allo, right?)
Like, yes, I love him deeply
And yes, I would sell my soul for a chance to meet him irl
And yes, I want to hold his hand
And yes, I tell him more than I tell literally anyone else
And yes, if we lived close to each other I would want to hover close to his side
But like...
In a friend way, idk
I'd probably marry him if he asked me to
But like IN A FRIEND WAY.
Chat I know I should focus on my of stories but will we fuck with a self insert type thing of 'Tommyinnit's clinic for supervillains'? It would likely be more masc n shit and hav a bunch of stuff I just feel like adding in but would we perhaps be interested?
@IfTheCrownFitsWearIt perhaps I may.... I dunno maybe a future project but eventually maybe
I took an online test (I'm not using this as a diagnosis. I'm simply using it to help myself figure out posibltys, and try to find way to help myself.) for DID and I got a 82/112(pretty sure ima double check and put it in replys) ... High risk. So er- that's uhm- fun... I have no idea what to do... I'm still going to study more into it and shit... But yea... I thought I should share and document what ever this leads me to so I actually remember...
Js posted a new oneshot bit to 'Seeing into Shinso and Denki's life' book thing go read it if ya wanna. I'm start trying to write a chapter for either book every night (prob will be arlernationg nights that way they both get updated.)
@Arandomhuman135 Got confused there for a moment because a lot of people call me "J" online and I can't read very well so I was like "No I didn't-?" And then I realized that I'm kinda dumb lol
Writing this b4 I decide to work n my books cuz I needa get this out of my head.
!I AM NOT TRYING TO FAKE ANY DISORDERS. I HAVE ADHD & AUTISM WHICH ARE BOTH DIAGNOSED (apparently I'm not technically diagnosed with autism bc I was 'too young to actually be diagnosed but yea.)!
Istg sometimes it feels as if there are multiple voices and or people in my head not many actually scratch that quite a few. I feel as if I'm different people on the fuckin daily ivebgot a shit memory and I don't remember most of my life but I also don't fully know if some of the things in my head are real because I often watch compilation that include people with DID (dissosive identity disorder) and have a fascination with the disorder so I don't know if I'm simply mimicking what I see.i turly do not know. But I feel as if I loose days and hours and I don't know what to do anymore and I don't know what's going on. I don't know if you actually read this please say something,you don't have to I just need adivce or just something.
@Dragon_of_jade yea... Idk I just watch a shit load of vids and I'm like "wow this sounds real familiar- WAIT NO FUCK YOU" and then ignore it for a while before it happens like a month later- tbh it would make sense for many things like how can never actually find a name that suits me or how I find a name then use it for bit then,feel comfortable with it then randomly it's like "NO NO MORE NO LIKE" then I'm back to the name and repeat. I feel like I need to study it more before even starting to be like "it could be a possibility". I need to study it more any way bc I have a character in one of my books with it and I keep seeing different terminology with it so I may do that in my down time tmrw.
@Arandomhuman135 I can't tell you. From what I know about you and about DID it might make sense, But I also experience the "am I really feeling this or is this a result of a hyperfixation?" (Not about this kind of thing SPECIFICALLY but similar vein.) And I can never really tell so I understand the uncertainty
My ex husband is a faggot as am I. (Chat I'm allowed to say this I'm a trans-masc agender femboy who's almond sexual- anyways @Dragon_of_jade)