ArmelitaVi

Knowledge is a blessing and a cursing, really...

ArmelitaVi

Boundaries... As someone nobody ever needed, I grew up lowering my boundaries until I lost them completely. Or maybe I never learned to have them at all? I don't really know anymore.
          I was the "good kid" because I never threw tantrums. I was always quiet, never talked back, never refused. I was the silent one, the comfortable one, the one who always helped, always gave. The kid everyone forgot. The one who took care of others before herself, who put everyone’s needs first. And in return, I was the first to be forgotten.
          I was the girl who had to "parent" her own parents. The teenager who was called worthless for asking her grandmother to stop manipulating. A child who had to act like an old lady from medieval times. But more than anything, I was a toy for everyone around me.

books__and__coffee

@ArmelitaVi Oh… my boo :( Remember, I am always here and I love you, my sunshine <3
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ArmelitaVi

They all said it felt comfortable being with me. That I felt like home. But I... I never had that. Never had anyone to feel comfortable with, never had someone I could trust. I never had a place to call home. Not a house, even if that, too, was sometimes a stretch, but home. Because for me, those are two very different things. 
            Sure, I was convenient. But never meant to be kept. No matter how comfortable I made someone feel, I was always the first to be thrown away. Because I was never enough: not pretty enough, not good enough, not important enough, not special enough.
            They all took something from me. They asked for things, expected things, but never gave back. They needed a listener, but not someone to speak. An actor in their theatre, but never a director in their movie. A helper, but never someone to be helped. And when I stopped being convenient, when I had nothing left to give, they tossed me aside. Like a bad habit.
            I'm so used to being left now, that letting people get close terrifies the child still inside me.
            I’ve been abandoned, lied to, left behind for so long that I’m afraid to trust. Before I let myself believe in anyone, I’ll “test” them. Just to see if they actually want to stay, or if I’m just another toy to them too.
            In the past few years, I’ve been learning to set boundaries. To accept only those who stay, not those who take and leave. To say “no.” To walk away from people who aren’t good for me, even if they feel like home around me. And for that, I’ve been called a bitch. Some people even called me “The Black Cat” like I’m cursed to always be alone, unwanted.
            Maybe they’re right. Who knows? But to me that’s what boundaries are.
            And today’s thought of it... It broke me to tears.
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books__and__coffee

Appreciation post! When we met, I didn’t thought you would become one of the most important people in my life but you did and I’m very grateful for that. Despite everything, you have a beautiful soul and you deserve everything good this life has to offer to you. Never give up on your amazing dreams, girl! I can see them happening. Keep dreaming and wishing! I am happy to have you in my life and I love you, boo! <3

ArmelitaVi

@books__and__coffee, aw... Boo... I love you ❤️
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ArmelitaVi

How do I say goodbye to you,
          When every part of me feels broken too?
          When every breath I take feels wrong,
          And you’re no longer where you belong. 
          
          Your paws once danced upon my skin,
          A soft reminder of the love within,
          But now they’re still, and cold, and gone,
          And I’m left with nothing but a song
          That haunts my mind, that fills my head,
          Of things I wish I would have said. 
          
          I’ll miss your early morning meows,
          Your whiskers brushing, soft as vows.
          Your paws upon my skin, so kind,
          Your warmth was everything I’d find.
          
          I’ll miss your soft black nose so dear,
          Your grey ears, your golden eyes, so near.
          Your voice, a sound I’d long to hear,
          Of course, and that long tail, my bear. 
          
          The weight of this, it crushes me,
          The thought that you’re no longer free
          To run and play, to be my light,
          To curl up close in the dead of night. 
          
          I’d tear apart the world, myself, the sky,
          Just to hear your soft meow, your cry.
          But you’re silent now, no more to speak,
          And I am left alone, broken and weak.
          
          I’m sorry I couldn’t save you, Mila,
          For all the things I didn’t know,
          For not making the hurt go.
          I wish I could have done some more,
          To stop this pain, to close the door.
          
          What now divides us is this cruel line,
          That I can’t cross, and you can’t find.
          Love doesn’t die, I know that’s true,
          But it breaks, it breaks me too.
          It shatters like glass, like brittle stone,
          Leaving me lost, so cruely alone.
          
          Goodbye, my Mila, my heart, my friend,
          Goodbye, my baby, our time has come to an end.
          Until we meet in a different place,
          I’ll carry your love in every space.
          
          
          
          Love you forever, babygirl ♡

books__and__coffee

@ArmelitaVi this is so beautiful and sad… I’m so sorry for your lost, boo! But things happen for a reason… ❤️
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VaunHunter

Kviečiam prisijungti prie Inkitt . c o m platformos. Plečiam lietuvių bendruomenę po truputį. Ieškom kitos alternatyvos vietoj Wattpado. Mano nickname tas pats kaip ir čia, jeigu norėsi sekti naują profilį. Jau yra prisijungusių. :) (Nuorodą negražiai parašiau dėl to, kad wattas nelabai nori priimti komentarus tokius)

Tylusis_Skaitytojas

@VaunHunter neapykanta? Please... tik obvious facts. Ir ne, mum nereik tavo aukos vaidmens. Tad... bye bye bye!
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ArmelitaVi

@VaunHunter, niekada ir neprašiau.
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VaunHunter

@ArmelitaVi Nesiaiškinsiu.
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lucentmoons

Hey! I would greatly appreciate it if you could check out my story :) If you could support my latest chapters that would be a huge help. I would also be grateful if you are able to share my story. Have a great day thank you so much!!
          
          https://www.wattpad.com/story/372993546?utm_source=ios&utm_medium=link&utm_content=story_info&wp_page=story_details&wp_uname=lucentmoons