Ash

hey yall
          
          i kinda disappeared oops?
          
          im gonna try to come on some more and be active again but there have been alot going on in my life rn so idk

Heyyyy how are you? i miss you - Cloud

i exist
          
          sort of
          
          sadly
          
          
          i feel so numb lately idk why i just havent been as happy and di hav ebeen more stressed and the only reason i can deal with people is because of coffee
          i hate alot about me but i have a friend who is trying to cheer me up and support me but at one point he kept leaving me on open and i had a break down and was convinced he was finally leaving me too and all i did was mess up friendships
          but he is still here and so are a few other people who are keeping me sane... well lets be honest im a little more insane when im around them but a happier insane
          
          i was to just disappear and never talk to anyone again but my friends refuse to let me close in on myself but im just struggling so much to have the motivation to do anything
          i want to see what might become of my life in the future but at the same time i just want to give up
          
          my friends try to help when i tell them some of the thoughts im having or the emotions im feeling but im drained and they are all dealing with there own problems
          im scared they are getting tired of my problems and im one emotional break down or one more panic attack away from another person leaving
          
          it doesnt help that i know if these few people i have leave me know i know im not going to have anyone
          most people in the school dont talk to me, some dont like me, and even if there was a slight chance i wont talk to anyone new because people scare me and i can hardly answer questions in class without my heart speeding up and i cant be in crowds without freaking out
          i had walls built up for safety but then people came into my life that i slowly i felt i could trust and now im more open and some people seem annoyed or stopped trying to deal with me because i opened up
          i dont know what to do anymore

we briefly pause to remind you:
          failure to complete your lesson will result in termination.

Hello I am back from the dead.
          
          Well... might be the dead if i dont grow some brain cells
          
          i have been concerning my friends with my very reckless, impulsive wants/decisions
          
          but thats okay-
          
          hoco was fun ig i was more hanging out with my friends
          
          L just followed me around and i decided i dont have feelings for him and i shall be a single pringle until i run away to tennessee with someone or someones
          
          might drag a guy with me or follow me and my one bestie's delusions and try to find hot, tall tennessee twins with great southern accents, but that seems quite delulu  
          
          not much has happened in my life other then that

OH MY GRANDPARENTS ARE GETTING ANEW PUPPY
          
          AND IM GONNA BE DRIVING IN A MONTH AND A HALF-ISH??? WDYM IM ALMOST 16 I WAS JUST MESSING AROUND AND ACTING LIKE A KID WITH MY FRIENDS A FEW DAYS AGO? AND WDYM I MOVED WHERE I AM NOW 6 YEARS AGO IT FELT LIKE 3??? THIS IS I N S A N E

guyssssss my best friend told an adult i have a water drinking issue. i dont. I mean I haven't drank water sense like Wednesday but... its okay?

My ela teacher is 10/10 i love her
          
          I showed her a story im working on and she told me it was rly good and that i should keep writing and that she liked the detail and dialogue. she is super nice and def my fav teacher this year

https://buddymeter.com/quiz.html?q=Dl8Exq8 a quiz about mEeEeEeE yayyyyy

OMG YALL
          
          L IS THE SWEETEST IM DYING
          
          So about a week ago my friend, L's older sister, asked me what my fav flower is (its sunflower). Was a bit confused. Then L wasn't at school most of the week cuz he was on vacation. He came back yesterday and at lunch he pulled a built sunflower lego set and asked me to homecoming!!! I was shocked and just sat their shocked for a moment until one of the people I sit with said I beetter say yes and I went out of my shocked stage and said yes and im so freaking happy! It was awesome and so sweet. My best friend actually stole my phone and tried to ask L to homecoming the day before but he never replied so i just assumed he didn't want to go but he was obviously planning this.