10 ways you know your cat is trying to kill you.

10. You find .22 buried in the litter box

9. "Fluffy" has been scratched into your wall.

8. As it rubs against your leg, you feel the sting of a hypodermic needle.

7. The threatening meows left on your answering machine,

6. Your cat is on the episode of Springer titled "I want my owner dead"

5. He's been hanging out with the dog that's trying to kill you.

4. Newspaper calls to confirm obituary for next week, "Hated pet owner meets violent end"

3. Top step of your basement stair is covered in a slippery layer of fancy feast.

2. The tune of the meow mix song, sings "kill kill kill kill, kill kill kill kill"

1. You overheard your cat on the phone with Robert Blake's cat.

Mehh, I'm Ashpanda as you can see, I like writing stupid stories -_____-