Ask_Zuzu

Hi (Placeholder Name),
          
          You establish a lot of things right off the bat, basic character information, setting, and her situation. I like how it sort of says it  as she's thinking it, and it establishes a very nice tone. Personally I like it better when this kind of flow is used in first person perspective. It sort of "immerses" the reader, and allows them to think as if they were the character themselves.
          The first few paragraphs are really important, and really establish the tone for the rest of the story. Due to the kind of tone you've established, make sure you're not switching back and forth between ideas, especially when you're introducing a concept. This is because the setting is not the same as our reality, and the kind of tone you've started off with is very steady, and very reliable sounding. Save for certain scenarios (like if she was under influence, in a lot of pain, etc.), switching back and forth between topics will throw your reader off.
          I don't know if this was intentional, but there are certain points where it feels like you used too many words. It sounds like a grammar error if you read it out loud, or it just doesn't flow right, but it is technically correct... I suggest reading the whole thing out loud, and if at any point it just sounds odd, look it over a few times and see.
          There is never a perfect, but there is always better, so keep at it, and improve it the best you can. You have my support and well-wishes.
          
          Zuzu

Hi (Placeholder Name),
          
          After skimming through your book, I found it very interesting, especially the idea that one family has all the power. One way your story can improve is to, show not tell. This means is describing your setting and characters. Although it's useful, I think the character introduction chapter shouldn't be there, describe your characters as they appear in the book. This allows for readers to engage their brain, and imagine your story as they read it, it also allows you the flexibility of changing your characters through out the story, and not give spoilers. I would also describe feeling, smell, and hearing, more through out the story, especially when describing the setting, for example, if they're outside, there might be wind, or rustling leaves. Describing things like that help with the giving life to the setting, and give you more ways to describe a situation. For example if you are at the side of the road, writing "the rushing air from the cars rushing by, constantly whipped my hair into my face" tells us that this road is decently busy, whereas if you wrote "the black asphalt stretched in both directions, as dead silence surrounds me" that tells us the road is virtually unused. These are all ways you can use senses other than sight to help describe the feel a setting gives you, and it make things a little more interesting when reading.
          One other thing, for some reason I got very fanfiction-y vibes from reading your book, despite having only read fanfictions when editing for writers, which rarely happens, so take this with a grain of salt. This isn't a bad thing, it depends on what tone you're going for. This really confused me, since your book isn't a fanfiction (unless I'm wrong). I think it would help to not use pictures to describe places, and delete unrelated videos at the end of your chapters.
          Remember to love what you do, believe in yourself, and be patient, and your book will become amazing. You have my well-wishes and support.
          
          Zuzu

Hi AsOriginal (I was given permission to use the username),
          
          Personally I really like the concept of your book, and the themes and what I could understand of the setting was really interesting. There are a couple of things you can improve on though, the main one being the world building, and the way the story is told. 
          In this case, where the setting of your story is pretty different from Earth as we know it, the first few chapters and whenever you introduce a new idea are really important. The goal is to make the story flow, and make the setting fit. I couldn't really understand much of what was happening, mainly because I have no idea what kind of world your character lives in, and the story is written in a way where it jumps from one thing to another, eventually confusing the reader to the point where we have no idea what's happening. 
          Some things I'd consider while writing: #1. Is the thing I'm about to  describe/write about the same, or different from what we would use now? (this tells you how much detail you need to give)  #2. Is this thing normal to the characters? (this tells you the tone you write in, ex. if its unusual make the characters surprised or shocked)  #3. Is this thing important to the story line? (this tells you how much time you/your character needs to focus on it.)
          One of the things that can be really helpful is to work with an editor. If you search up "editor club" on Wattpad, there are a bunch of books that come up with information about editors, and how you can contact them.
          Always brush up on things like grammar, spelling, and punctuation. Keep believing yourself, as long as you love it, work hard, and have patience, your book will become amazing. You will always have my support and well wishes.
          
          Zuzu